The First Amazing Story of Ashley the Magnificent... lol.

This time, I actually have a good story to tell! I have to speedy-type it, though, since I have to read quite a bit for history, I wanted to be in bed by midnight, and I haven't even started yet! AHH! LOL.

Okay, so this story of Ashley the Magnificent (my self-imposed hero name) takes places very early this morning, when it had barely become this morning. I was getting ready to go beddy-bye, and I was in my bunk in my dorm room, snuggling under my beautiful pastel quilt that my mommy made me when I was ten, and listening to music and saying my evening prayers, while my roommate continued to do her homework. She had a small light on by the door, so the room was dimly lit. As I listened to a song I really liked (at this point, I have no clue what song it was; for details' sake, let's say it was "Let It Out Now" by Leeland. *grin*), I noticed a monstrous spider crawling across the ceiling of our dorm room, and getting ready to hide between the ceiling and the overhead light!

Now, Ashley the Magnificent is deathly afraid of spiders biting her in her sleep, so she screamed like the little girl she loves to pretend to be, and squealed "EWWWW!!!!" in hopes that her roommate was braver than she was. (Remind me why I am Ashley the Magnificent? lol) But alas, Kelli the Wise is even more scared of bugs than Ashley the Magnificent, so she says, "EWWWW!!!! Kill it!!!!" And she tries to hand me her flipflop! I get a vaguely confused look on my face, and I ask, "How am I supposed to kill it! I don't even know where it went!!!!"

So then Kelli the Wise said, "What about bugspray?"

Ashley the Magnificent (aka Ashley the Mentally Challenged) said, "Oh, I think I have some!"

So I climbed off of my bunk bed and searched in one of my boxes, and found a can of bugspray with Deet in it! All well and good, so I sprayed it straight up in the air. Voila! And the spider was knocked onto the ground, and I ground it to smitherines with my beautiful ballerina flat! (Or ballet flat, which is the correct term? I can never remember, lol.)

So, you may ask, why does Ashley the Magnificent call herself Ashley the Mentally Challenged?

Well, I will tell you! Because I sprayed the bugspray STRAIGHT UP! Meaning, I was directly underneath it! And the mist sprayed down, INTO MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPER GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone else tasted Deet? Cuz it is NASTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wiped my tongue off on my sleeve and went to go get a drink.

Little did I know that Deet is HIGHLY POISONOUS! (Thanks, Mom, for telling me that, 24 hours AFTER I let that stuff get in my mouth!) UGH! If I didn't keel over and die by now, do you think I'm safe? I hope so! Cuz if I'm not, I dunno what to do! :*(

Y'all, pray for me, that Deet doesn't have a delaying poisonous effect! I don't wanna die!!!!

LOL. That was the highlight of my semester. That, and falling on the sidewalk TWICE in twenty-four hours! My foot's swollen, I ache all over, and I think I might have bruised my butt an scraped off a layer of toe nail on my left foot! (I was wearing flipflops). Other than that, it's life as usual... well, have a good week, everybody! Not sure when I'll blog again. :)

Happy day!

Till later,
Ash the (Hopeful again) Dreamer! :))))

Pray for Me...

I echo the title of this post. If you've ready any of my blogs, you have probably heard about my struggle with depression. Most days, recently, I have been winning in that struggle. This weekend, though, the struggle has been on the losing end for me. I don't know why--I can never say why. I don't know if there really is a reason why depression exists, beyond the fact that evil exists, and as long as evil exists, hurt and confusion--and this cancer that we call depression--will also exist.

I have a book report due on Friday; I still have two or three research papers due before the end of the semester; I still have about 25 days left until I get to travel home, and I just have too much on my plate right now to deal with depression. No one should ever have to deal with depression, but I guess it is a fact of life. I was really getting excited about this book I was writing, though (it's called Arianne; it's such a hopeful book, about love and hope and healing, all the stuff I need right now), but I have come to learn that depression and my hopeful stories don't mix, because when I write about hope when I'm filled with despair, it might sound hopeful to others, but writing is a form of healing for me, and when I try to help others heal when I'm broken-hearted... It just doesn't work. So I'm going to have to lay aside Arianne and Eliza and Noah and Hadley and Jacob and Amelia and Abby and Grant and Olive and Sam and Nathan and Bailey and Jewel and all my other characters in this book. God has a mighty purpose behind that book, and if I get in the middle of it now, I will just ruin the gem that God placed in my life. It is so hard to make these decisions, but when depression comes in like this, I know what I need to do now.

Sometimes dealing with depression is the hardest thing I think I ever have to do. If you never experienced clinical depression, you might not understand, and I understand that I am rambling right now, trying to deal with the pain and the hurt that depression forces upon my heart. And as my tears fall and I try to figure out what is next, I know three things: one, God is with me; two, God will give me hope (even when I can't see it), and three, I can NEVER. EVER. GIVE. UP. Depression isn't worth it. I know I'll come to a brighter day in my life, and I know I'll get through this. It's just... right now I wish Satan was already in hell and Jesus had extincted this cancer that I have--the cancer of depression. Everyone has their own battle--this is mine. I just pray that God will give me the strength to endure it.

Oh, my throat burns. I think somehow my throat became inflamed during the time that I wrote this. Not sure how. Pray for me, anyway. If you read this. God has a plan for me that only He knows. Maybe one day, He'll see fit to reveal it to me.

Until then, I keep moving forward. Pray for me. Please. It is so hard to deal with depression.

Love,
Ash the Jaded Dreamer (hopefully, tomorrow I'll be the Hopeful Dreamer)

PS... Happy Easter. Don't let my gloominess let you forget the hope that Jesus brought to this earth 2000 years ago.

PPS... The picture is of me and my little second cousin, Benjamin. :) He's so cute. Anyway, it echos back to a happier, less depressed time (Spring Break!). Happy Weekend, guys!

A Hope and a Revolution

I can't believe that it is going to be Easter on Sunday. I haven't really celebrated Easter as much as the common Christian does... Because I know it's was built on top of a pagan holiday, but so was Christmas, so go figure. Anyways!

But Easter does hold a lot of meaning for me. I like being home, and being with family, and coloring Easter eggs and writing all the names of the characters in the story I am writing all over the Easter eggs, and the way my family thinks I'm crazy for doing so, and hiding Easter eggs for my two little sisters to find, and eating this amazing egg concoction called "Goldenrod" that my dad makes every Easter for supper, and going to the Easter Sabbath program the day before Easter, and hearing about all the hype and seeing what is in my Easter basket... all that yummy candy and an occasional gift (this year, I think my mom sent me two! I won't get the package till Monday, though).

Anyway, all of these Easter traditions my family has reminds me of home tonight, and I just wish that I could be there. Whose bright idea was it to make spring break to be a month before Easter in college? Yeah, they needed a brain transplant, that's for sure.

By this time today, about two thousand years ago, if this was the actual weekend that Jesus was crucified, Jesus would have already faced all the torture. Last night, He would have been publicly humiliated before Caiaphas and Annas, and tried unfairly, and eventually spit upon and flogged and punched. By now, the crown of thorns has been pressed so deeply into the soft flesh around His temples that He bled. And bled. And bled. And He has already walked up that long walk from the Via Doloroso to the Place of the Skull, and He had seen how they had forced Simon to bear His burden. And then, He stumbled to the ground when one of the Roman soldiers shoved Him there, and He bit His lip so hard that blood came out when they pounded the nails into the soft flesh just below His wrists to keep from crying out. And when they nailed His feet to the cross, silent tears trailed down His grimy face, and He glanced over to see His momma, at the front of the crowd, shaking and sobbing, not understanding. He didn't understand! And when they lifted the cross from the ground! It jolted His body with more excruciating pain than He had ever experienced, and when they dropped His tree into the ground, the nails ripped bigger holes in His feet and his hands, and His head bounced off of the wood. The thorns pressed deeper into the back of his head, and fresh blood oozed out of his head. He waited for hours--He waited for hours to DIE. At one point, He saw the pain and loneliness in His momma's eyes, and the fear in John's eyes. And He gave His mother to John. More waiting. More pain. And on top of it all, all Jesus experienced was that He was dying. And His Father had rejected Him. I'll never see Him again, He must have thought. And then, He cried out, "It is finished!" And it was finished. And God died.

Can you imagine? Why do we downplay the raw emotion in this story? To these people--John, Peter, Mary, Judas, Jesus--this wasn't a BEGINNING. It was the bitter END! And it was bitter and painful and cruel and heartless, and we go and pain Easter eggs and wave to the Easter bunnies all over the malls and by the side of the road and we watch passion plays, and yet, the last time I cried about when they killed Jesus was when I was an innocent six-year-old. Jesus, why do we make little of You? World, why do we let everything get in the way of seeing how beautiful and loving and present Jesus is? World, why are we content with the Easter Bunny when we can have JESUS?

The Christian church says that Easter is about hope, and it is. And I don't want to downplay that. But Easter is also about a revolution that began. And I'm afraid half of us have lost the fervor for that revolution.

Jesus, help me to have the hope and the revolution. Amen.

Until next time,
Ash

a short one...

i realized that i have been getting away from my two purposes of this blog: 1, to write what Jesus tells me to, and 2, to make life interesting again. i have failed on both counts, and i'm not really going to post any more blogs unless i feel called to do so.

in other quick news, this week i asked to be a "name pro" on a baby naming website... lol. for me, this is almost monumental. to a lot of other people, it makes me look like a dork, which i am, so i embrace my dorkness. i'm still thinking and praying about it. we'll see what happens. i told anabel i would let her know by the end of this weekend, so i'll have to decide soon.

fairwell, bloggers, until the inspiration comes. :)

love,
ash the dreamer

Ruts and Revolutions

Hello! I am twenty one years, one week, 18 hours, and 48 minutes old now. :) I might actually have something to say on this weekly Friday blog! :) Shocking, I know.

Nothing has really changed in my life... I still have humongous amounts of psychology assignments, projects, tests, and quizzes due every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I still miss Pennsylvania enormously, and I still am in love with orange juice (yes, it's true...), and I still want to pray with Sanctus Real and Addison Road more than almost anything else... But... my heart has changed.

I had been in a rut lately. I don't like to talk about ruts, because that means I let myself get into a rut. And if I let myself get into a rut, well, then, the dreamer inside of me that begs to live life to its fullest every day has sorely been lacking in making the dreams come true! Anyway, so, there is just something about this school I go to that makes me get into ruts like that. :*( It's very sad. Which is why I will probably go to school in Pennsylvania next year! (That makes me very excited. I miss my beautiful state, and all the beautiful people in it that I love so dearly.)

Anyway, back to the rut. My biggest dream (no matter what else I say, this really is my biggest dream) is to have a purpose, and I want my purpose to impact the world dynamically for Jesus. To strive for a goal, and, at the end of my life, look back and know that my life wasn't just going to kindergarten, and then elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then college, and then getting married, and having the socially expected two children (I want tons more, and I want to adopt, like, five), go to work every day, wear myself thin and, when I'm old and graying, wonder what it all was for. There is a greater purpose, and I. WILL. LIVE. IT!!!!!!!! I have always felt that way. :)

At the beginning of this week (and during most of spring break), I was feeling that my life wasn't leading anywhere, and, no matter what field I went into, I was still going to be in that rut, and my life wasn't worth anything, and it wasn't pursuing any purpose. This was my rut.

I hate ruts.

Anyway, so I was praying a lot during this week, trying to pray myself out of my rut (I do that a lot... and it usually works! Imagin that!)), and not only did it bring me closer to God, but in this moment, I feel the purpose and passion returning. I love it that I serve a God that has known my heart before it was even created, and I love it that He made my heart to pump and pulse for a purpose, and that He created that purpose, just to satisfy those desires! I love it that I'm not an ordinary person, that I can--and do--live above the norm, and that I don't have to be another statistic. I can single-handedly begin the revolution for love and people's hearts, because Jesus has put that passion in me, and He gives me power because the Holy Spirit is upon us... It takes my breath away that God gives me this passion and this pursuit, just so I can desire and chase His crazy-thought-out dream for me, and then I live it, and it is perfectly how God Almighty meant for it to be!

One day, down the future after I've been trained by Almighty God to the point where I am ready to go out and change the world in a big way, I will live my dreams, and I will know that this dream was headier and more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. :)))))))))))) Oh, wow, how I long for that day! And the greatest part is, I won't even know it, because I'll be preaching and hugging kids and praying with teens and babysitting for overstressed single moms, and in the middle of it, when I can take a breath and look around me, I just might see the dream I had back when I was in high school and college, and realize that what I do to live this love revolution, it is good. And not only is it good, it is very good. But it's never going to be enough. I can never be too good, because the world will always need to be changed.

And, in the meantime, I can change the world on a small level. Watch Hogan's Heroes with my two little sisters. Hug Laney and eat with her at potluck at church. Greet people as they come to church. Pray for my momma when she has a hard day. Listen to Myla and Ashley when they don't know what to do. That kind of thing. And that's always incredibly fun, too!

While I can't do everything, I can make my mark on history, and I refuse to not be one of those people that the world looks at, and says, "Wow, what kind of young person is that? She isn't an ordinary person."

And they'll be right. Because I'm not just one of the hundreds of Ashleys. I'm Ash. The Dreamer. And I'm going to change the world! :))))))))))

Till next Friday,
Ashley

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

hey, everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i made a pact with you to try and post a new blog every friday night, so i'm holding myself to that promise tonight!

today was a good day. most of my week was uneventful... i watched ncis and posted on this awesome website called parentsconnect.com... if you go to babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com, you can find your way to joining the website. anyway, since i'm such a name junkie, i love that website. anway, so i was on that site a lot this week (as usual).

on tuesday, i went to my old workplace, the taco bell by my old high school, and i hung out with the mikucki brothers and carol for about an hour. geoffrey made me laugh; joe made me remember what it's like to talk about life and God. carol just made me smile. :))))

on thursday (aka yesterday) i went to this awesome sandwich/soup restaurant with my family (it's called Isaac's... maybe you've heard of it? anyway, it's fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and i had my favorite-est sandwich in the whole wide world. it's called the Giant Sequoia. and yes, it is unbelievably large. :) but it is sooooooooooo worth it. that, and the yummy potato salad that comes with it! that was one of the things i most wanted to do over break--go to isaac's with my mommy! and i got to, but it was with my daddy and my brother and my two sisters, too! yay.

anyways, back to today. for some reason, last night i was unbelievably tired at 9:30, so i was asleep by 11:00 thursday night! hmm. anyway, so i woke up by around 8/8:30? really early for break, i know. i've been getting up at 11/12/1-ish all week. anyways, so i got up early and i had my morning prayer and i watched some ncis. since i've really been loving the name Olive (nicknamed Liv) a lot lately, i tried to figure out what i would name my daughter if i named her Olive (both first and middle names), and i finally came up with two possibilities: Olive Juliet (i love the shakespearean reference) and olive lucia (i've loved lucia so much, and i really wanted to get it onto my 10 favorite name combinations! i think i might have found it, finally!). then my daddy made me mini bean burritos, which are soooooo yummy, and i watched more ncis! at about 1:45, i left home to go pick up my sisters from school (they're not on break), and we made a stop at rita's ice (they were giving away a free italian ice to each person that came to their store today, since it is the first day of spring, and then if you wanted a gelati, you only had to pay a dollar. great deal, and it made me happy!). so i bought my two sisters a gelati each (they both wanted cotton candy... it looked kinda gross to me. i got georgia peach!!! it was yummy!), and then we went and picked up my grandmother! she lives about ten miles away from us, and she's been battling cancer and a lot of health ailments lately, so we rarely see her, and she doesn't really come to church anymore, so we all missed her. but she ate at our house and watched me open my birthday presents. it was nice to see her again. i got to see my two little second cousins, too! lexi is five, and emma is like, two or three months old. :) they're such cutie pies! anyways... i digress.

so just before we ate supper, my stomach started KILLING me, so my whole family had to eat without me! it was a disaster. well, kind of. but it was annoying, lol. so i told them to start their desserts without me. we had vegetarian meatloaf (yummy!), mashed potatoes, broccoli, and celery sticks with peanut butter!!!!!!!!! so good. then for dessert, i got to have fresh made chocolate chip cookies and a milkshake my brother made for me! it was so good.

then we went to open my presents. not at all what i expected. although, i wasn't really just DYING to get any specific present, so it was all good. the things i most wanted, i got (except for two things--i always get an itunes gift card, which i really could have used, and i wanted this movie called fireproof... it's really awesome. anyway, maybe i can get it later...). i got hogan's heroes season three (i love that show!), and an album from adventures in odyssey, my favorite radio drama, and i got some cool clothes, and a cool scarf and an autographed Sanctus Real (my favorite band!!!!!!!!!!!) CD ("Say It Loud") from the concert i went to last Sabbath night. not only that... in passing, i mentioned to my mom that it might be nice to have a new camera, because the one i had took REALLY bad pictures at concerts, and i wished i could get better pictures! i thought she was half asleep when i told her! but, then when i opened my presents tonight, surprise!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine that, a brand new digital camera, and it's pretty, too!!!!!!!!!! (it's this cranberry/mulberry color, which i love, after purple and green and maybe yellow and pink... anyway, it's one of my favorite colors, lol...)

anyway, i'm sleepy, so i'm going to call it a night.

it doesn't really matter to me that i've turned 21, except for the fact that i have more legal rights. i won't be out drinking alcohol anyway, so that's not a big deal to me. what other perks does being 21 bring? i sure don't know. i don't really care, either. lol. the things i care about--God, loving people, being able to read and write, listening to music and watching awesome tv shows and movies... i've always been able to do those things.

anyway, toodles for this week.
happy living!

ash

Sanctus Real and other amazing things.

sorry i didn't post on friday night. i was tired.

so about that sanctus real concert!!!!!!! eep, it was awesome.

I got to stand up really close to the stage and take pictures (I got quite a few good ones, too!), and Matt gave me a high five. And after the show, I got to meet the band (AGAIN!), and this time, I got to talk to Chris the most. Not Matt really at all, but Chris talked to my little sister and me about what it was like being sisters, and random stuff. And he kind of remembered my name, so that's pretty cool. Dan joked around with my dad a little bit, too, about how hard it was to remember the way to spell his name, so he just signs it "DG". lol. I almost didn't get Mark's and Matt's autographs on my "Say It Loud" CD. I almost didn't get Say It Loud, either (it's not really sold in stores, so I'm just glad I hinted at my dad to buy it for my birthday on Friday!!! :) I was at the end of the line, and it was like, 11 o'clock, by the time we left, so it's understandable. But this time, their personalities (that I thought I saw) changed a little bit, and not in a bad way! Chris is really cool. :)

Anyway, other than that, on Spring Break, so far, I got home at about 4:30 on Thursday afternoon. On Friday, I made cookies (I was going to take some to Sanctus Real, which was the surprise about the concert, but that didn't work out very well.), and my family ate them all by now. LOL. I also got my hair cut (so it's pretty much shorter; well, only a few inches shorter; but i have "short" bangs again). I also got to visit my grandmother, too. She has lung cancer, and is pretty weak, so I don't see her all too often. I got to see my little second cousin, Emma, who is the most adorable 8-week-old baby girl I think I have EVER seen in my 20-year-old life. :) She slept the whole time, so I didn't get to hold her, but she is just precious.

On Sabbath, I went to church, which I didn't really get to enjoy that much, but I still got to see my favorite-est little three-year-old little girl!!!! Laney is sooooo adorable. Her whole family was there, so she was with them the whole time, but I waved at her several times, and I could tell she wanted to come be with me. :))))) I love that little girl to death. lol.

Anyway, here's some pictures and videos from the concert (the videos aren't complete songs, sorry about that...)

toodles for now,
Ash the Dreamer

In Six Days... YAY!

hi. i'm really sleepy tonight, so it's not going to be long.

not really much to tell, but there's some pretty exciting count-downs happening on the whiteboard outside my dorm room door:

06 days till Spring Break
14 days till Ashley's (that's me!) 21st Birthday!!!
08 days till my second Sanctus Real concert!!!! (okay, this one's not on the whiteboard, but it should be!!!)

All I'm worried about is getting a ride to the airport! Otherwise, I'm set for Spring Break, after I finish all this stinkin' homework! ugh. Anyways, that's about it for now. I'll have exciting stories for the whole time of Spring Break; I'm doing a lot (the SR concert, my birthday, getting to see my favoritest little three-year-old Laney--EEEPPPP!!!!!!--seeing family, seeing my grandmother who's dying of lung cancer, meeting my new second cousin Emma, going to see all my old coworkers from last semester, maybe some job hunting, definitely some book shopping, some college planning... and maybe even going to see the movie duplicity after it comes out in theaters!!!! yeah, that is a lot, alright!). so if i have time in the midst of all of that (oh, and some reading for homework and some writing for fun, too! and catching up on some NCIS episodes...), then i'll definitely spill all of it. i'm so excited. :)

well, i'm going to try to post a video from the sanctus real concert in september, but it might not work very well, because the internet is really slow on campus.



happy weekend, everybody!

the icarus account, sanctus real, and elisa. :]]]]

i just wanted to say all over again how much i LOVE this time of the week! it's friday night, no homework, no social pressures, my Bible study's already done and i feel really close to God. i've been watching some A-Road podcasts, and i pretty much love them. i love the new icarus account single, "so in love," (check it out... www.myspace.com/theicarusaccount, it's awesome). i love it that i am going home in a couple weeks (actually, in 13 days!!!! eep!). i love it that i'm going to my second sanctus real concert on march 14, and that this time i get to take my little sister, too! i love it how i saw Jesus' heart in my Bible study tonight, and how i wasn't the only one who thought the accusation that Michael W. Smith's music being of the devil (especially his worship songs) was a bunch of baloney that made us all really mad, lol (really bad vespers, don't ask... okay, maybe you can, but it is still really frustrating). i'm in love with the story i'm writing right now... it's called "Elisa", and it's about this band and a little girl that finds hope. it's gonna be a best seller if i have anything to do with it, and i love it to death! and i really love all the characters, especially elisa, noah, and hadley! and grant, abby, and jacob aren't bad, either!!!! it's snowing here in the midwest, and that's kinda cool, too! mainly i love too many things!!! lol.

i haven't been up to much, i have a bunch of projects due in different psych classes, lots of midterms (oh, i happened to sleep through my first one, that was BAD!!! but i got to make it up. i love grace!). my roommate's painting a few feet away, and i'm considering going to bed relatively early this friday night (i usually don't call it a night until at least one o'clock... silly me).

tomorrow's my dad's birthday. well, wait, i lied. i am just so used to SAYING that it is his birthday, because he's a leap year baby, so we celebrate it on feb. 28. i wish i could be there! and i wonder where my family put that big recliner that my mom got him for Christmas.

i'll try to post more often, probably more like once a week, even though i don't really have anything to say. i'm just really happy to be alive; i don't really have anything else to say.

oh, here's the lyrics for that song... it's so simple and raw, not like singers who have been playing for decades and everyone thinks that everything they do is gold. it's simple and beautiful. their music makes me want to fall in love. :)

your hand it fits perfect in mine
the world has stopped
and so has time

cuz we're so in love
we're so in love
we're so in love

city lights, cloudy skies,
slow dance in the rain,
i won't forget how it sounds
when you say my name

so we saved the best for last tonight
a simple hug, a kiss goodbye
as all of the angels sing a song
heaven and earth join to sing along

and we're so in love
we're so in love
and we're so in love

i'm turning the table, i'm changing the time
i'll do anything just to keep you mine
you're one of the angels, yeah it's true
i'm saying it happened when i'm with you

and we're so in love
and we're so in love
and we're so in love
we're so in love
we're so in love
we're so in love

i love the way that you say my name
i love the way that you hold my hand

like we're so in love
cuz we're so in love
and we're so in love

well, happy Sabbath!!!

goodness.

it's late. haha, for some reason, i usually do most of my blogging late at night, or early in the morning. not sure why. but i love this time of the day. everyone is asleep, and i have time to listen to my favorite music and commune with God. it's just amazing. and it helps that i can look up into the sky and see the stars twinkling and winking down at me, reminding me that all that is good now will always be good.

i mean, sure, the world is in upheaval. when isn't it? there are always going to be murderers and liars and money launderers and rapists and terrorists. this world is broke and falling apart. but all that is good now has always been good and will always be good. isn't it true?

think about the good things in life. the way a mother loves her babies unconditionally. the way Jesus showers mercy on this pitiable orb that needs that mercy and grace so badly. the way hope is in the eyes of african children, and the way three-year-old little girls jump into the arms of the ones they love with utter and complete trust and unabashed love. all that is good will always be good. it's true.

in my life right now, a lot is good. i'm studying a major that i thought i would hate but i am fastly falling in love with it. i am making plans to change the world. i have a family and tons of friends who love me. i get to go to church tomorrow. Jesus still gives me more grace. that in itself is worthy of saying all of life is good.

where would we be were it not for God's grace?

wow.

i'm just looking out at the lincoln, nebraska, sky tonight, listening to matt hammitt sing the words of my favorite song by sanctus real, "things like you," and i'm falling in love with life again. i've had some problems lately, stuff so personal i don't want to get into it, but in the midst of it all, God is still here. Emmanuel. God. with. us.

it seriously sounds like i'll get to go to my second sanctus real concert. something i'm completely stoked about. in 21 days, hopefully i will get to see a sunshiney three-year-old little girl by the name of laney, and i'll get to carry her out to her car like i have done every Sabbath afternoon for weeks last semester. for the first time since i semi-moved out of my house, i've heard that my baby sister misses me. i've heard that she missed my brother, but never me. that means more than i can imagine to figure out how to say. and one of my biggest dreams just might come true in three weeks. that would make me pass out, almost, i think. maybe i should bring smelling salts, just in case. lol.

God is good.

i guess that's all i'm trying to say tonight. no matter what has happened, life is still good, because God is always good.