peace

i feel at peace tonight. if you knew what was going on in my life, you would understand how great of a statement that is... and a lot has been going on... my computer is spasming (well, that's my word for it... i'm not sure what's wrong, and neither does my techno-savvy dad), i have practically no money to return to my dream college, and i have so much on my plate that i can't even try to reach for all the dreams in my heart... but tonight, i am at peace.

i recently (last weekend) began to tithe again. if you don't know, that is when you take 10 percent of all your income, and you give it to Jesus through a church. it generally goes to support the church's pastor (which it does in my church), but it is something i really believe in. anyway, it's not that i stopped tithing... it's that i didn't know how to get my tithe from my newly opened checking account to the tithe at my new church at college... and, well, there was a lot of tithing to do. i'm pretty popular at my church... well, either that, or i don't know what, but i got a LOT of money for my high school graduation. :) then my parents gave me some spending money over the past school year, and i didn't pay tithe on ANY of it, so there goes my savings for college! and i wasn't even thinking about how this was going to deplete half of my college savings... i was just thinking about how i wanted to give back to Jesus again, and, well, He would have to take care of my school bill, because i was going to put Him first in this thing, no other way about it. i don't regret the decision at all, but now that i may have to spend HUNDREDS of dollars on my computer, which i NEED for college... it isn't as easy to sleep at night. :*(

there's this song that is pretty popular on Christian radio right now, by my favorite band of all time, Sanctus Real. it's called "whatever you're doing (something heavenly)". it's not my favorite song to dance and sing at the top of my lungs to, but when the hard times come, it's definitely something that reminds me of Jesus and gives me peace. anyway, this is the chorus:

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly...

i don't know completely what i'm trying to say tonight. maybe... maybe it's just that things don't have to be okay... they just have to be in God's hands. because... because Jesus gives peace, and that's all i need.

until next time,
ash

i'm a rockstar...

i just finished watching the disney channel movie "camp rock" for (mostly) the second time. wow... i'm a sucker for disney channel movies... i dunno why. it's just... they make life so innocent and beautiful and the way things are supposed to be. people are good, parents are friends, and somehow, the main characters find true love in the end. the only thing that is missing is that the kids in those movies never find Jesus, cuz disney channel executives don't see that as a pressing factor. too bad they don't see things from where i am. haha.

have you ever wanted to change the world? ... wow... SIGN ME UP!!!! for some reason, i have always wanted to turn the world upside down. even when i was this insecure little kid with no friends to my name, i still wanted to do something big.

i remember when i was little, i was in church, and i usually didn't listen to the pastor, cuz i thought he was boring (after all, i was about ten), but my mom said i had to start paying attention to the sermons, so i was listening this one day, and my pastor was preaching about this guy named enoch. the deal with enoch was that he lived for 65 years, and then his wife gave birth to his first son, and he walked with God for 300 years (cuz back then you didn't die as young as we do these days...), and then, one day, he just disappeared. and no, he didn't die on some obscure mountain. he disappeared, but he never died. he just went to heaven, and he was no more on earth, cuz he was just so close to God that God couldn't keep him on earth anymore. i always thought it was SO COOL that enoch never died. he's still alive today!!! how cool is that? that day, when i heard my pastor preaching about him, and how he got a whole verse or two, instead of just one line, i was like, i want to be different from everybody else. different like enoch.

then i see movies like camp rock, where kids younger than i am now are writing these really cool songs and getting recognized and have this power to speak up and make a difference, and i know the kids are fictional, but the opportunity to transform the world--that is NOT fake!

and... well, it makes me feel a little sheepish, but... how cool would it be to be a rockstar, not just to meet so many people and to feel so loved, but also to have that power--that precious power to reach out and touch people's lives and show them what living is all about?

wow... those kinda dreams make me kinda dizzy... even though i'm lying down... :]

for the glory of His name

hi everybody. i'm usually really good at being eloquent, seeing that everybody says that i have the gift of words on paper and all, but today i've got nothing. usually whenever that happens, i turn all eloquent and make people cry. =] i don't think today's gonna be that way, though.

i'll try not to be boring, but i'm not superlady... yet... haha... so i can't make any promises. it'll probably be more deeply insightful into the human mind, with some really dramatic tellings of really boring stories... which make them exciting and funny...

thank you, my readers, for reading even when it wasn't necessary.

here's to Jesus and life.

ash