21 November 2009

sarah the stupid...

gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i have two projects i really need to work on, but i'm sooooooooooooo mad, because my computer died on me tonight!!!!!!!! gah, i'm so very mad. :/ i think sarah (aka my computer... in case you didn't know, i name EVERYTHING) finally gave up the ghost. :/ but all my stories are on there! :/ i really hope i can get something worked out, but until then, i have to steal my parents computer, and NOBODY likes that.

sorry, just had to vent. :/

anyway, so it just seems like an impossible situation. my dad says that i can't get my files off my computer unless i can get it restarted, and i don't even have anywhere to transfer them to, even if i could get them off my computer. we have an extra computer, but it doesn't have internet connection, so that's no good. :/ and i don't want to deplete my savings to buy another one! :/ sooooooooooooo... i'm seriously about to have a fit tonight. :/ i've been between tears and a fit of anger all night. :/ so pray for me, y'all...

anywho! i have to get back to my science project. but thanks for letting me vent. :/

till next time,
ash the (emotional) dreamer

20 November 2009



i don't really have much to say, but i always love saying hi every friday night, so here i am! :)

i just took my sister to church, where they're camping out for the weekend. :) she seemed excited. :) and my other sister just got home from school--she goes to a boarding high school half an hour away, so i'm so excited she is home! :)

and now? well, now i'm just listening to adventures in odyssey and wishing my hip and my legs would feel better. :/

anyway, if you want to listen to odyssey (because, who wouldn't?!), click here!

17 November 2009

Psalm 23

Sometimes, when I'm kinda tired, I read the Psalms for my personal Bible study (not sure why, because it usually takes longer to do that, and it makes me think more, and the whole point was that they were shorter, so I could get to bed faster, lol). So I'm kinda sleepy right now, so instead of reading Acts 12 (or at least part of it), I read Psalm 23. And it really hit me. Especially the part of my life I'm in right now. :)

Anywho, so I decided to share it with you! :)

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (NASB)


Anyway, hope that was as refreshing to you as it was to me!!!! :)

13 November 2009

the skit guys!!!!!

gah, the skit guys are amazing! :) i just spent the past 6:45 minutes laughing my head off, so i figured i would share this with you! :)

hope you loved it as much as i do! :)

until next time,
ash the (amused) dreamer!

sweet irene and other stuff...

hello, friend (or friends, perhaps?)! :) here we are again, and it's another lovely friday night!!!! :) gah, i LOVE friday nights!!!! :)

anyway, new week, new song, so since i can't live without Christian music, and i can't imagine anyone who could live without it, i will post the lovely song for you! :) (btw, that last sentence was DRIPPING with sarcasm... hope you picked up on that... *grin*)

this is casting crowns, with their new single, until the whole world hears. :)

but i digress. :)

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm soooooooooo excited!!!!!! for the past couple weeks now, i've REALLY wanted to sponsor a child through compassion international (currently my favorite ministry in the whole world). if you don't know what compassion does, go to www.compassion.com and check it out. if you can walk away from those HUNDREDS of innocent, loveable faces, unscathed, then... well, i don't know what i would do, because i don't know if my sarcastic side would congratulate you for being so callous, or if i would ignore you and go and cry that such innocent, lovely children don't even have a chance at true life anymore. :/

anyway, so i've been planning, and PLANNING to sponsor a little girl from the hundreds of children that need sponsoring (i think there's almost 900 girls alone, from age 3 to 18, that need to be sponsored... that doesn't even include the boys!). the first night i checked it out, it was this precious little girl from honduras whose name is carolina. she was so perfect. and adorable. and my heart was perfectly attached to hers. but alas, i had about $25 to my name. gah. i hate college right now. so i had to transfer my money from my paychecks to my checking account, but i kept pushing it off because i'm so busy. well, somebody adopted that adorable little girl and left my heart crushed. :/ and then i found a three-year-old little girl named yestin who was so incredibly sweet. i was sure she was the one. the same night i found her, someone else adopted her, too! :/ and then, i found irene. she was a little four-year-old from el salvador, and she'd remained unsponsored for over half a year, and i grew to love her SO much, and i just knew she was to be mine! well, this week somebody up and sponsored her, too. i was crushed. i already felt like irene was my little girl, almost like a daughter to me, and now she's someone else's. :*( and i was so sure she would be mine, because there were several times when she was sponsored, and then, there she was, back again, and i was just so sure. :/ but now, every time i look at all those faces, my heart breaks, but now i can't find one i KNOW i'm supposed to sponsor, because irene's not there. :*( maybe by monday (when my money should be in my account) i'll find the perfect girl. who knows. pray that i know which precious gem to sponsor!

other than that, i've just been stepping back from my life and making some changes. it feels good. i think Jesus wanted this for me for a while, and now i'm finally listening. stupid, stupid me! :)

anyway, that's me. :)

maybe when i find the perfect little girl, i'll post a picture for you all to see! :)

anyway, happy weekend, everybody! :)

until next time,
ash the (crushed and ecstatic at the same time!!!!) dreamer

11 November 2009

pray for me...

today i lost a very good friend.

her name was bree.

and she was amazing.

and now she's gone.

so please, please pray for me.

i've been crying for almost an hour straight through. :*(

i know i'll make it through, but i'll miss bree and everything we shared together. :*(

anyway, i just came on to ask you guys to pray for me! :)

have a lovely evening, y'all! :)

until next time,
ash the (devastated) dreamer

07 November 2009


Sorry to end the week with that dreadfully depressing last blog. :/ But hello again! I'm feeling quite a bit better today, although I am still kinda icky. :/

But there's all these plans in my life that I'm working on executing, and I'm excited about them. Getting a new job, finding out about longer-term mission opportunities in Europe, sponsoring a sweet little girl from El Salvador through Compassion International (their names are Lorena Sofia and Irene Abigail)... (gah, they're so adorable! :) There's two I'm trying to decide about, and I'm hoping nobody sponsors ONE of them until I can transfer my money so I can sponsor one of them!)

Anyway, I am feeling a bit better, after feeling still pretty depressed last night, and I feel like I'm on the up and up. :) And since the last blog was so sad, I figured I would leave you with some sheer happiness. :)

I used to say NOTHING good came out of Nebraska (especially since my year in Nebraska was probably the lowest point in my life), but I've changed my mind. There's at least one thing good that comes out of Nebraska: this SWEET band! :)

Gah, I love their music! (They're called Remedy Drive, if you didn't catch on, lol.) Their music always makes me feel so happy and revolutionary! :)

And THIS is the guy who basically does my favorite radio morning show ever (his name is Brant Hansen, and he's stinkin' HILARIOUS!).

Oh, if you get a chance, pray for him, because he's in Kabul, Afghanistan, right now, as a short-term missionary, helping missionary doctor's give birth to babies and cleaning up after them. :) It sounds like a really amazing ministry he's going with (called CURE International), so pray for him, because he and his wife Carolyn are doing an amazing thing right now...

Anyway, I figured y'all could use some cheering up after that last blog. :)

P.S... Jen, thanks for your comment, if you read this blog, too! :) It was so encouraging to me! :)

Until next time,
Ash the (Now Laughing) Dreamer! :)

05 November 2009

worst week ever...

I know I said I would be back tomorrow, but I only have one class today, and I'm kinda hiding from the real world right now.

Probably just my overdramatic self taking things way out of proportion, but I just have to step back and be able to see how overdramatic I'm really being, and I'm pretty sure nothing major is happening in my lit class today. Besides, it started 45 minutes ago, and I'm a mess.

Yesterday one of my bosses talked to me about not doing my job right, and I guess I just wasn't seeing things that needed to be done, and she was thinking that I was all lazy and it was just a mess. Have you ever cried in front of your boss? Yeah.


Anyway, she's going to try and get the managers to help me so I can be a better worker, but there was just stuff at that time that I really didn't know how to say, so I feel like I got a bunch of heat that really didn't need to be put under my rear, but whatever.

My mom's been so sweet about everything, and when I told her, she told me about how once one of her bosses told her that she was basically the weakest link in the whole production, and she bawled like a baby, so I don't feel TERRIBLE. I just cried all the way home, and I can't stop crying now! Gah, it's so annoying.

But then last night I had a dream that after helping the people in the show Numb3rs (aka, my new favorite TV show!) solve this crazy case on a beach somewhere (it was really weird, like a mix between Lost and Numb3rs, and I didn't know what was going on, lol!), I came home, and for some reason, my name was Arianne. Not sure why, but it was. I'm cool with that, though, because Arianne's probably my second favorite name right now, just after Eliza. :) Anyway, my parents didn't even TALK to me about this, but they said, "Oh, you have a letter waiting for you in our room." So I read the letter, and it basically said that my parents were tired of me not taking responsibility for myself and they were so tired of all my emotional problems (aka my depression and OCD) that they weren't going to put up with it much longer, and they were going to kick me out of the house just before the next school year started. Gah, what kind of dream is THAT?! I think I was crying in my dream, too, and so now I'm freaking out and reevaluating my life and such, and it doesn't help that my dad actually said that in real life... that if I didn't get my act together I could just leave.


Anyway, so if I missed my lit powerpoint presentation, you know why. I feel like I'm a ROYAL MESS. :/

But out of all of this, I am learning that I've been taking the easy road, and even though I keep saying all these things about following Jesus, I've been going my own way, and I'm trying to come back to Him and make Him proud.

Pray for me, if you read this.

Because, well, GAH, I need it SOOOO much right now! :/

Until next time,
Ash the (Tearful) Dreamer