To Amelie, with Love...

This feels slightly odd... I mean, I feel like I just blogged about this. But I have something I need to say.

Sometimes life doesn't make sense. Sometimes life makes me furious and distraught and confused and lonely and fearful. Sometimes life leaves me terrified. Sometimes life brings me down, and sometimes I am a deep breath away from the worst panic attack in the whole world.

Sometimes life is really good, and I'm glad we can all celebrate those moments. And sometimes life kicks you in your Achilles' heal, and that's when I hate Satan the absolute most.

Amelie, I don't really know how much you are freaking out right now--I can't even comprehend the thoughts in your head, but dearie, I believe in you. And I know there are a lot of crazy thoughts going through your head, but I like to think I know you, a good bit, anyway, and I know you can make it. And I don't think you'll just make it--I think you're going to thrive at it. :) And I'm so sorry this is so hard for you, and if I could hug you across the Atlantic, you know I would. :)

To the other people who read my blog, I don't know what you're going through. I haven't talked to some of you for some time. But I hope you know that I believe in you, too, to overcome any mountain in your way. I love you all so much, and I pray every happiness for you. :))))

Till next time,
Ash the (Peaceful) Dreamer

Dear Heart...

Okay, Sanctus Real is officially my favorite band again. PLEEEEEEEEEEEASEEEEEEEE GO BUY THEIR NEW CD!!!! Eek, I just got it for my birthday on Saturday, and I am so in love. :) I can't believe it took me this long to listen to it!

Haha.

So my favorite song from the CD right now is called Dear Heart...



It's so awesomeeee! :)

haha.

Okay, I'm done! :) Half of my classes this week have been canceled, so I actually have time to blog during the week.

But now I'm going to watch In Plain Sight, so I'll talk to you all later! :)

Love ya, dears! :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Elated) Dreamer

Matthew West and the Cabin Mouse

Look-ey what I got for my birthday!!!!!!!! I looooove getting flowers, and I LOOOOOOVE purple, and I LOOOOOOOVEEEE tulips! haha. I'm pretty stoked for my birthday so far. And it hasn't even happened yet! :) I'm a bit sad that the flowers haven't opened yet, but they're purple tulips for my birthday! What's not to like?! lol.

I've been loving telling stories lately--not ones made up in my head, but ones I've come across... and I came across this amazing one this week! It makes me laugh so much, and I hope it will make you laugh a bit, too. :)

It involves one of my favorite singers--his name is Matthew West--and all month he's been holed up in a cabin near Nashville, Tennessee, writing songs for his new album. :) Apparently, he's discovered a mouse, and created a twitter account for the mouse, so the mouse and Matthew West have been dialoguing back and forth, and it makes me laugh a LOT. haha. Hopefully, you'll see. :)

CabinMouse: I am a mouse. I live in a cabin that has recently been invaded by a singing human named Matthew West. Follow me as I make him regret the ... Day he ever stepped foot in my cabin... Mooohooohaaa!!! (evil high pitched laugh) Looks like I have a new follower. At last we meet, Mr. West. U may follow me, but u will never catch me!

matthew_west: We'll see about that. I bought traps. Watch urself.

CabinMouse: I'm smart enough to set up a Twitter account. Highly doubt ur little trap will fool me.

matthew_west: touché. Just watch ur tail.

CabinMouse: About me: I'm the youngest of 123 kids. Was born on Christmas eve in a shoe store. Spent 1st years calling a women's shoe size 8, home. One Christmas eve, some kid bought the shoe for his mom. Somethin' about how "these shoes were just her size." I was homeless and scared. I get emotional just thinking about that tough time in my life. But in many ways I think it has led me to become the mouse I am today. I will tweet more tomorrow, so u can get to know me. Right now, I've got some eating and pooping to do. peace out.

Then, the next day, there was this installment:

matthew_west: U guys r supposed to b on my side, instead ur suggesting I give @cabinouse his own song?! Lets not forget he's a rodent and an intruder.

CabinMouse: I may b a rodent, but I have feelings. Feelings that u just crushed. Besides, u invaded MY house. Not cool, don't expect to b on my record.. If I ever make one. U cut me real deep just now @Matthew_west. Real deep.

And even later:

CabinMouse: Another little get to know me:My top 3 movies all time: 1. Ratatouille 2. Stuart Little 3. Alvin and the Chipmunks. And tonight is movie night. Unless Mr. Hateful @Matthew_west comes back.

matthew_west: Got a bunch of new stories. Headed back to the cabin tonight for some late night inspiration.

CabinMouse: @Matthew_west Crap. Movie night postponed.

matthew_west: "Another little get to know me: My top 3 movies all time: 1. Ratatouille 2. Stuart Little 3. Alvin and the Chipmunks." (via @CabinMouse) weird.

Two days later:

matthew_west: Amazing stories today! Thanks for sending them to me guys. Inspiring.

CabinMouse: Yes, I agree with @matthew_west. Amazing stories. I read them too...

matthew_west: Creepy. "I always feel like somebody's watching me."

CabinMouse: Today's get to know me: My top 3 fav cheeses. #1 a nice aged cheddar. 2. Parmesan (I'm half italian.) #3 Velveeta (a working mouse's cheese). I also like cheese in a can, but that's hard to eat 'cuz I don't have apposable thumbs. @matthew_west brought has good taste in cheese...

The next day:

matthew_west: "Headed to see @matthew_west Hoping they'll let me collaborate on a song." (via @carmenbrown) ummm, Well,See... Here's the thing...

CabinMouse: So, @matthew_west had these people from a radio station in Florida at the cabin. Thought about hopping in their backpack. I hear FL is nice. I've got a cousin in Florida.

And then today:

CabinMouse: Rumor has it @matthew_west is headed to Seattle for the weekend. When the cat's away...

Nine minutes later:

CabinMouse: @matthew_west Your little mouse trap doesn't fool me. But the peanut butter on the end was a nice touch.

matthew_west: @CabinMouse is really starting to get on my nerves. I've actually thought of buying a cat. How do u feel about that?

CabinMouse: ooh, I'm shaking in my whiskers. I'm so scared I just left some droppings on @matthew_west kitchen counter. oops.

matthew_west: gross. U just keep it up @CabinMouse. keep it up.

Haha!!!! See what I mean? So adorable but so hilarious! :) I love it. Makes me laugh every time. lol.

Anyway, hope y'all have a great weekend!!!!

Till next time,
Ash the (Amused) Dreamer

Ari and Liliana

Hello!!!!!

I'm so very excited about these two little girls who live in the southern region of the US... Can I tell you their story?

I've changed all the names of the people involved, out of respect for my friend. So I have a friend who lives in the South Carolina/Georgia area of the south, Krista. She has a little girl named Hazel who is positively precious and adorable, who is seven. Krista and her hubby, Danny, recently welcomed twins into the world, Claire and Zavier.

Krista and Danny are really awesome, mission-minded people who really want to help out just about EVERYONE around them. After the twins were born, they decided not to have any more biological children, but while they were still trying to have Claire and Zavier, they had considered adoption... they thought they would be able to adopt this little boy, and had picked out a name for him (Josiah Caleb, but he goes by Caleb). They adoption process was completed just weeks before Claire and Zavier were born. They were excited to have their little family of four.

Then they found out that Caleb had a TWIN BROTHER, and Krista couldn't stand the idea of Caleb and his twin being separated (especially after having twins of her own!), so she and Danny began the process of adopting Caleb's twin, who they named Hudson Jacob.

They were happy, Krista, Danny, Hazel, Caleb, Hudson, Claire, and Zavier, their happy little family. They were content to stay that way. But then there was more news.

When Danny had thought that they would not be able to adopt Caleb, and before they knew about Hudson, he had found out a coworker had a baby girl that he could not take care of, and was desperately looking for someone to adopt her. Danny and his lawyer were working together, seeing if it was even a possibility, without Krista's knowledge.

Then one day, only a little bit after Claire and Zavier had been born, Danny calls Krista from work, crying and hysterical, babbling on about the cops and a baby and a disaster, and that she needed to get there NOW. So Krista hauled her five little ones in their pickup truck down to Danny's work. The place was swarming with an interested crowd, analytical cops, foster care case-workers, and in the midst of it all, Danny was clutching a pitiful, crying baby girl, trying to shield her from the noise, the pain, the world. The cops and caseworkers were trying to take the little baby (no more than a week or so old) away from Danny, and he was crying and wouldn't let her go... Krista climbed out of her truck and made her way through the crowd... to where her husband was.

Krista was confused and even a little angry, about it all... but then she saw the baby. Liliana. She was so beautiful and so perfect, and she just KNEW she had to take in that little baby-girl orphan. So it took a while, but Danny's lawyer showed up and explained that Danny and Krista were in the process of adopting Liliana... and eventually it all died down.

Liliana had to go home to her birth parents that day, but a few days later, Liliana's parents met with Krista and Krista's mom, and that's when Krista found out about Liliana's big sister--Ari.

They met at a fast food restaurant, and when Liliana began to cry, her parents didn't know what to do, so Krista offered to change her diaper. I don't remember all the details, but somehow, while Krista was taking care of Liliana, her parents just LEFT! I can't even imagine that, just leaving my two girls with two total strangers. Just thinking about it makes me crazy-furious.

But because Ari and Liliana had been so malnourished, uncared-for, and even worse, they were hospitalized. This was around January, some time.

Ari just came home from the hospital about a week or two ago.

But that's not all--a few weeks ago, Caleb and Hudson's birth family decided that they wanted the boys back. It was really hard on Krista, Danny, and Hazel. But they decided that it was better for the boys to not be fought over than for the boys to be with them. So Caleb and Hudson are now Micah and Joseph, and are back with their grandparents and their birth momma.

But that's not all.

The pain of not being able to adopt Caleb and Hudson (even after the papers were completely taken care of) drove Krista and Danny to a decision: that they weren't going to adopt at all. Not for now, at least.

I wasn't worried about Caleb and Hudson/Micah and Joseph, because even though their family gave them up for adoption in the first place, it sounds like they will be well cared for. But I WAS scared for Ari and Liliana! I didn't know what would happen to them.

But now Krista's best friend, Christiana, and her hubby, Bryan, are adopting the girls. Ari is now at home with them, and thriving. :) Krista babysits Ari during the day, while Christiana and Bryan are at work, and Liliana is still in the hospital, but getting a little stronger every day.

So now do you know why I am so very excited for Ari and Liliana? Do you know why I'm so excited about ADOPTION?! These precious, innocent little souls are finding hope, love, a future, and every dream they would have ever had if they didn't find a family. And while my soul is horrified for the sadness Krista, Danny, and Hazel have experienced, I am thrilled for the treasure Ari and Liliana have received. Even though Krista and I live states away, she sends me pictures of the girls often, and I can see Ari blossoming. She's so beautiful. And strong. And every time I think about Ari's and Liliana's futures, I can't hope but be hopeful.

Because they have received hope.

And I can only hope that one day, I can give at least one or two little ones the sort of joy and hope and future that Ari and Liliana are receiving. :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Relieved, Hopeful, Joyful, Elated) Dreamer

happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

... in 9 days.

okay. that's all.

for now. :)

and hello! :) i hope your weeks are going well! :)

till next time,
ash the (ecstatic) dreamer

Weddings, Birthdays, and Valleys

Today is my friend's wedding day! Since it's about 2:30 am on tomorrow in Paris (where she lives), I'm sure the wedding is already over (hehe), but I just wanted to say happy wedding day, Amelie! I hope you and Jacob are VERY happy together, and that your honeymoon in Turkey is amazing! :)

Also, if you get a chance, my lovely friends, please remember me in your prayers. School, work, staying up entirely too late, my sudden lack of independence (due to the sudden and tragic death of my lovely, reliable car, Lucie), and just about a million other things have me going utterly CRAZY... and I'm really in need of some extra strength to get me through these next few days until Spring Break starts in just a few days!

Oooh, and there are exact-ically 17 days until my birthday!!!!! Woohoo! I'm excited. :) My birthday is always entirely spectacular. :) The countdown has officially begun. :)

Haha.

I love you all... talk to you soon! :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Struggling) Dreamer