27 March 2009

Ruts and Revolutions

Hello! I am twenty one years, one week, 18 hours, and 48 minutes old now. :) I might actually have something to say on this weekly Friday blog! :) Shocking, I know.

Nothing has really changed in my life... I still have humongous amounts of psychology assignments, projects, tests, and quizzes due every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I still miss Pennsylvania enormously, and I still am in love with orange juice (yes, it's true...), and I still want to pray with Sanctus Real and Addison Road more than almost anything else... But... my heart has changed.

I had been in a rut lately. I don't like to talk about ruts, because that means I let myself get into a rut. And if I let myself get into a rut, well, then, the dreamer inside of me that begs to live life to its fullest every day has sorely been lacking in making the dreams come true! Anyway, so, there is just something about this school I go to that makes me get into ruts like that. :*( It's very sad. Which is why I will probably go to school in Pennsylvania next year! (That makes me very excited. I miss my beautiful state, and all the beautiful people in it that I love so dearly.)

Anyway, back to the rut. My biggest dream (no matter what else I say, this really is my biggest dream) is to have a purpose, and I want my purpose to impact the world dynamically for Jesus. To strive for a goal, and, at the end of my life, look back and know that my life wasn't just going to kindergarten, and then elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then college, and then getting married, and having the socially expected two children (I want tons more, and I want to adopt, like, five), go to work every day, wear myself thin and, when I'm old and graying, wonder what it all was for. There is a greater purpose, and I. WILL. LIVE. IT!!!!!!!! I have always felt that way. :)

At the beginning of this week (and during most of spring break), I was feeling that my life wasn't leading anywhere, and, no matter what field I went into, I was still going to be in that rut, and my life wasn't worth anything, and it wasn't pursuing any purpose. This was my rut.

I hate ruts.

Anyway, so I was praying a lot during this week, trying to pray myself out of my rut (I do that a lot... and it usually works! Imagin that!)), and not only did it bring me closer to God, but in this moment, I feel the purpose and passion returning. I love it that I serve a God that has known my heart before it was even created, and I love it that He made my heart to pump and pulse for a purpose, and that He created that purpose, just to satisfy those desires! I love it that I'm not an ordinary person, that I can--and do--live above the norm, and that I don't have to be another statistic. I can single-handedly begin the revolution for love and people's hearts, because Jesus has put that passion in me, and He gives me power because the Holy Spirit is upon us... It takes my breath away that God gives me this passion and this pursuit, just so I can desire and chase His crazy-thought-out dream for me, and then I live it, and it is perfectly how God Almighty meant for it to be!

One day, down the future after I've been trained by Almighty God to the point where I am ready to go out and change the world in a big way, I will live my dreams, and I will know that this dream was headier and more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. :)))))))))))) Oh, wow, how I long for that day! And the greatest part is, I won't even know it, because I'll be preaching and hugging kids and praying with teens and babysitting for overstressed single moms, and in the middle of it, when I can take a breath and look around me, I just might see the dream I had back when I was in high school and college, and realize that what I do to live this love revolution, it is good. And not only is it good, it is very good. But it's never going to be enough. I can never be too good, because the world will always need to be changed.

And, in the meantime, I can change the world on a small level. Watch Hogan's Heroes with my two little sisters. Hug Laney and eat with her at potluck at church. Greet people as they come to church. Pray for my momma when she has a hard day. Listen to Myla and Ashley when they don't know what to do. That kind of thing. And that's always incredibly fun, too!

While I can't do everything, I can make my mark on history, and I refuse to not be one of those people that the world looks at, and says, "Wow, what kind of young person is that? She isn't an ordinary person."

And they'll be right. Because I'm not just one of the hundreds of Ashleys. I'm Ash. The Dreamer. And I'm going to change the world! :))))))))))

Till next Friday,

20 March 2009


hey, everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i made a pact with you to try and post a new blog every friday night, so i'm holding myself to that promise tonight!

today was a good day. most of my week was uneventful... i watched ncis and posted on this awesome website called parentsconnect.com... if you go to babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com, you can find your way to joining the website. anyway, since i'm such a name junkie, i love that website. anway, so i was on that site a lot this week (as usual).

on tuesday, i went to my old workplace, the taco bell by my old high school, and i hung out with the mikucki brothers and carol for about an hour. geoffrey made me laugh; joe made me remember what it's like to talk about life and God. carol just made me smile. :))))

on thursday (aka yesterday) i went to this awesome sandwich/soup restaurant with my family (it's called Isaac's... maybe you've heard of it? anyway, it's fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and i had my favorite-est sandwich in the whole wide world. it's called the Giant Sequoia. and yes, it is unbelievably large. :) but it is sooooooooooo worth it. that, and the yummy potato salad that comes with it! that was one of the things i most wanted to do over break--go to isaac's with my mommy! and i got to, but it was with my daddy and my brother and my two sisters, too! yay.

anyways, back to today. for some reason, last night i was unbelievably tired at 9:30, so i was asleep by 11:00 thursday night! hmm. anyway, so i woke up by around 8/8:30? really early for break, i know. i've been getting up at 11/12/1-ish all week. anyways, so i got up early and i had my morning prayer and i watched some ncis. since i've really been loving the name Olive (nicknamed Liv) a lot lately, i tried to figure out what i would name my daughter if i named her Olive (both first and middle names), and i finally came up with two possibilities: Olive Juliet (i love the shakespearean reference) and olive lucia (i've loved lucia so much, and i really wanted to get it onto my 10 favorite name combinations! i think i might have found it, finally!). then my daddy made me mini bean burritos, which are soooooo yummy, and i watched more ncis! at about 1:45, i left home to go pick up my sisters from school (they're not on break), and we made a stop at rita's ice (they were giving away a free italian ice to each person that came to their store today, since it is the first day of spring, and then if you wanted a gelati, you only had to pay a dollar. great deal, and it made me happy!). so i bought my two sisters a gelati each (they both wanted cotton candy... it looked kinda gross to me. i got georgia peach!!! it was yummy!), and then we went and picked up my grandmother! she lives about ten miles away from us, and she's been battling cancer and a lot of health ailments lately, so we rarely see her, and she doesn't really come to church anymore, so we all missed her. but she ate at our house and watched me open my birthday presents. it was nice to see her again. i got to see my two little second cousins, too! lexi is five, and emma is like, two or three months old. :) they're such cutie pies! anyways... i digress.

so just before we ate supper, my stomach started KILLING me, so my whole family had to eat without me! it was a disaster. well, kind of. but it was annoying, lol. so i told them to start their desserts without me. we had vegetarian meatloaf (yummy!), mashed potatoes, broccoli, and celery sticks with peanut butter!!!!!!!!! so good. then for dessert, i got to have fresh made chocolate chip cookies and a milkshake my brother made for me! it was so good.

then we went to open my presents. not at all what i expected. although, i wasn't really just DYING to get any specific present, so it was all good. the things i most wanted, i got (except for two things--i always get an itunes gift card, which i really could have used, and i wanted this movie called fireproof... it's really awesome. anyway, maybe i can get it later...). i got hogan's heroes season three (i love that show!), and an album from adventures in odyssey, my favorite radio drama, and i got some cool clothes, and a cool scarf and an autographed Sanctus Real (my favorite band!!!!!!!!!!!) CD ("Say It Loud") from the concert i went to last Sabbath night. not only that... in passing, i mentioned to my mom that it might be nice to have a new camera, because the one i had took REALLY bad pictures at concerts, and i wished i could get better pictures! i thought she was half asleep when i told her! but, then when i opened my presents tonight, surprise!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine that, a brand new digital camera, and it's pretty, too!!!!!!!!!! (it's this cranberry/mulberry color, which i love, after purple and green and maybe yellow and pink... anyway, it's one of my favorite colors, lol...)

anyway, i'm sleepy, so i'm going to call it a night.

it doesn't really matter to me that i've turned 21, except for the fact that i have more legal rights. i won't be out drinking alcohol anyway, so that's not a big deal to me. what other perks does being 21 bring? i sure don't know. i don't really care, either. lol. the things i care about--God, loving people, being able to read and write, listening to music and watching awesome tv shows and movies... i've always been able to do those things.

anyway, toodles for this week.
happy living!


15 March 2009

Sanctus Real and other amazing things.

sorry i didn't post on friday night. i was tired.

so about that sanctus real concert!!!!!!! eep, it was awesome.

I got to stand up really close to the stage and take pictures (I got quite a few good ones, too!), and Matt gave me a high five. And after the show, I got to meet the band (AGAIN!), and this time, I got to talk to Chris the most. Not Matt really at all, but Chris talked to my little sister and me about what it was like being sisters, and random stuff. And he kind of remembered my name, so that's pretty cool. Dan joked around with my dad a little bit, too, about how hard it was to remember the way to spell his name, so he just signs it "DG". lol. I almost didn't get Mark's and Matt's autographs on my "Say It Loud" CD. I almost didn't get Say It Loud, either (it's not really sold in stores, so I'm just glad I hinted at my dad to buy it for my birthday on Friday!!! :) I was at the end of the line, and it was like, 11 o'clock, by the time we left, so it's understandable. But this time, their personalities (that I thought I saw) changed a little bit, and not in a bad way! Chris is really cool. :)

Anyway, other than that, on Spring Break, so far, I got home at about 4:30 on Thursday afternoon. On Friday, I made cookies (I was going to take some to Sanctus Real, which was the surprise about the concert, but that didn't work out very well.), and my family ate them all by now. LOL. I also got my hair cut (so it's pretty much shorter; well, only a few inches shorter; but i have "short" bangs again). I also got to visit my grandmother, too. She has lung cancer, and is pretty weak, so I don't see her all too often. I got to see my little second cousin, Emma, who is the most adorable 8-week-old baby girl I think I have EVER seen in my 20-year-old life. :) She slept the whole time, so I didn't get to hold her, but she is just precious.

On Sabbath, I went to church, which I didn't really get to enjoy that much, but I still got to see my favorite-est little three-year-old little girl!!!! Laney is sooooo adorable. Her whole family was there, so she was with them the whole time, but I waved at her several times, and I could tell she wanted to come be with me. :))))) I love that little girl to death. lol.

Anyway, here's some pictures and videos from the concert (the videos aren't complete songs, sorry about that...)

toodles for now,
Ash the Dreamer

06 March 2009

In Six Days... YAY!

hi. i'm really sleepy tonight, so it's not going to be long.

not really much to tell, but there's some pretty exciting count-downs happening on the whiteboard outside my dorm room door:

06 days till Spring Break
14 days till Ashley's (that's me!) 21st Birthday!!!
08 days till my second Sanctus Real concert!!!! (okay, this one's not on the whiteboard, but it should be!!!)

All I'm worried about is getting a ride to the airport! Otherwise, I'm set for Spring Break, after I finish all this stinkin' homework! ugh. Anyways, that's about it for now. I'll have exciting stories for the whole time of Spring Break; I'm doing a lot (the SR concert, my birthday, getting to see my favoritest little three-year-old Laney--EEEPPPP!!!!!!--seeing family, seeing my grandmother who's dying of lung cancer, meeting my new second cousin Emma, going to see all my old coworkers from last semester, maybe some job hunting, definitely some book shopping, some college planning... and maybe even going to see the movie duplicity after it comes out in theaters!!!! yeah, that is a lot, alright!). so if i have time in the midst of all of that (oh, and some reading for homework and some writing for fun, too! and catching up on some NCIS episodes...), then i'll definitely spill all of it. i'm so excited. :)

well, i'm going to try to post a video from the sanctus real concert in september, but it might not work very well, because the internet is really slow on campus.

happy weekend, everybody!