06 June 2009
This is going to be a short one, since my dad will get out of the shower any minute, and then we'll be off to church. :)
I've just been thinking, over the past 24 hours or less, about holy moments that I share with God. I don't know why, but in the middle of the night, when it's all dark, with no lights, as I listen to my favorite Christian music, as it seems like my story joins the music and we all go dancing through life... those are the holiest glimpses for me... I want to have them more often.
I've been missing God lately. Not that He's never around--He always is. :))))))) But I've been making my time with Him sparse, and I'm getting really ticked off at myself, that I do this to Him. He is worth so much more, and I really wish I wouldn't get caught up in the things that don't matter--catching up on TV shows, mainly, but just wasting time in general, wasting moments on things that don't matter. For a girl who feels called to revolutionize the world, I feel like I'm backing away from my purpose. :*(
God is merciful, and I'm learning. Sometimes I feel like this perfectly purposeful life is not even for me to grasp anymore, that I've messed up too much to live so perfectly in an instant, but I'm learning that grace doesn't listen to what Jesus' foe tries to tell me. I'm so grateful for that. And you don't have to wait for things to align perfectly, either. Grace is for the taking, and GRACE is for today. Take it. Grasp it. Believe it.
I wish I had a beautiful story to go along with this, a touching story to tell that will rapture your heart and make you believe... because stories have that tendency... but all I have is last night. :) It was a beautiful night. My family had all gone to bed; I was sitting in my father's recliner, and I had just read two Psalms for my Bible study... I was thinking about how sometimes, even after I'm past depression, it still doesn't make since and I don't know why God let it happen to me.
And then I turned on JCTV (this teenager Christian TV station), and it was a bunch of music videos, and I just watched... and all of a sudden, I was there. With Jesus in the room. And Matt Hammitt singing his song, and the lights flashing, and somehow was just dancing through it all, as Jesus led. Worship. That's what life's about.
And I want to experience it more.
Till the next time (hope it's not so long!!!),
Ash the (Worshipful) Dreamer