Will You Be My Valentine?

:)

Hello!

Valentine's Day was never my big thing. I never saw the point in giving valentines cards, because nobody really wanted to give them to me in elementary school, and I didn't have an abundance of friends to ask if they would be my valentine.

That, and my parents wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen, so I didn't even try to care about it.

Nearly six years after the day I was officially allowed to date, and I still haven't had one, so I guess I just don't see the hype.

I love the idea of falling in love and having a special someone. :) But I'm okay if I don't.

So dear readers of my blog, even if you're completely in love and about to get married, or if you're about to be wallowing in your own self pity, will you be my treasured friend on February 14? I'll make you smile and we will laugh and be happy to be alive, and it will be a good day. :)

Life hasn't felt very good lately, I have to admit.

I know I told you to keep me joyful, and I am joyful, but sometimes life doesn't feel that way. Does that make any sense?

I just got an email from a dear friend. She said that tonight there was a shoot out in her old high school. Officials think it's gang-related. That makes me so sad.

Depression and OCD have tried to ruin my life, and that makes me very confused and sad and mad and angry and weary.

My best friend in the whole world (besides Jesus), my little sister, Becca, isn't here. If I asked her to be my valentine, I think she would laugh at me and say I was ridiculous. :) I love my little sister, haha. And it makes me sad that she's not here right now.

Another friend of mine--one of her best friends and former neighbors suddenly died last week, without any rhyme or reason, just keeled over and died, leaving behind her loving husband and two children. That makes me sad.

My friend's husband lost his job recently, and they are left trying to care for SEVEN children, four of which are either adopted or are being adopted right now, two of which are in the hospital because their parents didn't know how to take care of them before they gave them up for adoption.

I just saw a video about adoption tonight, and it positively made me quiver on the inside. I wanted to go raid every orphanage in the whole world and say, "Dearies, come live with me... I will show you love and be your mommy." That made me really sad.

And I think of churches that are closing, and wives that are being abused, and soldiers that are dying without the respect of their nations, and girls who are raped and couples who are getting divorced for no reason other than because they are bored with their marriages and how God is disrespected and love is not honored and people commit suicide and life has become weary for some people, and it makes me really sad.

It doesn't seem like all this should be happening only days from the day that the whole world recognizes as a day of love and joy. I never really understood the hype for Valentine's day, but now I think we need it, even if it's just to see a bit of hope and joy again.

So, today, I want Someone who can actually do something about the pain in this world and the pain in my heart. This year, I want JESUS to be my Valentine, because I KNOW He can take my pain and turn it to joy. :)



So, happy valentine's day, friend. :) And wherever you are, may you find love and joy and hope. :)

Until next time,
Ash the (Loved) Dreamer

free

i am free. i always used to try and imagine what it meant to someone who hadn't always been free to be able to say that they were free.

but tonight i know the feeling.

this is probably the most petty thing in the world, but this has been a truly long week for me. :*( since i have returned from going to school in the midwest, i have been used to basically working about 25 hours a week (at the most), and only about 4 days a week. a pretty relaxed lifestyle. :) this week, however, they scheduled me for SIX DAYS, but not only that... i think i almost worked FORTY-FIVE HOURS this week. almost DOUBLE what i'm used to. so that, alone, set me on edge. working six days in a row. long hours. crazy lines of people at taco bell (why doesn't anybody take the driveway just before ours, and go to wendys?). so that was pretty bad. but not only that... i've been stressing about school a little bit, and i've really been missing my little sister who's away for the summer, working at a Christian camp. that's all cool and everything, but i've really missed her. :*( so lots has been going on, and i just felt imprisoned by my schedule. :*(

but now... now i feel free. granted, i probably don't feel like a slave felt after they were freed, but i still feel pretty stinkin' good!

i usually try and blog about what i want to reflect on during a holiday weekend, or in the case of Christmas, a whole month, but only one freeing Revolutionary matters to me tonight--not Ben Franklin, John Hancock, George Washington, or Samuel Adams. None of them changed my life personally. But Jesus did when He died.

So Jesus is the Revolutionary I celebrate tonight, as I worship on this Sabbath day. I celebrate Jesus, because He is the One who died for me. He is the One that let go of Himself, so I could reach my full potential. He is the One that rescued me and set my heart on fire. Even as I say all these things, the words seem void of meaning, because Jesus cannot be limited to words.

So today, I celebrate Jesus, for ALL He does. :)

On my way home from work today, I saw a humongous bird (not sure what it was; my brother says it could've been a golden eagle) take flight from the side of the road, and it narrowly missed my windshield before soaring above the towering trees. It was a majestic thing. I remember being in awe, just watching it, but being also so glad that I didn't collide with it...

And I, like that bird, am about to take flight to be free, narrowly missing all the dangers I have faced, but ready, oh so ready, to soar. :)

Ash the (Freed) Dreamer

on this day...

today is my little sister's birthday. it seems so strange not to celebrate it. :*( every year, we bring out the watermelon and the ice cream cake and her favorite meals and we go shopping for her favorite things, and my mom worries if the clothes she bought won't be fashionable enough... and i just laugh at it all.

but this year, spunky, lively, happy, thoughtful, smart, beautiful, lovely rebecca eileen richards is not with me. :*( everyone says we all have to grow up at one point, and i know it's true. but in many ways, becca has been my best friend and my greatest ally throughout my whole life. and on this day that i most want to be with her... we are miles away, and she's lonely. :*( it's enough to make me cry.

true, the house is quieter this summer (she's working at a summer camp halfway across the state, being a lifeguard, helping in the kitchen, and teaching gymnastics), but i ache for her spunky livelihood. :*( she's my sister, but she's so much more than that.

so today, don't take advantage of those relationships you have. i never imagined that i would have to worry about losing becca. i figured we would always be with each other and have each other. i knew we had rough patches sometimes, but we always worked through them. i took advantage of becca. :*( i never stopped to think that there would be a day that she wouldn't be with me. and now i don't know how to adjust for the rest of my life, the rest of my life, where becca and i will hardly live under the same roof ever again. :*( don't underappreciate the relationships you have. they are precious. don't forget to hug your mom even when you think you hate her, or to listen to your dad, even when his advice makes you want to scream. indulge your grandmother. appreciate your friends. you never know if they'll be gone.

becca's not really gone... i mean, i was texting her all night, and she'll be back in a month or two... but any one of our loved ones could be gone forever, in an instant. so don't take them for granted. appreciate them. love them. please.

so you don't end up crying while you're blogging in the dark on a friday evening.

:)

So here's to you, becca. may we never forget. if you ever read this, just know that as your big sister, i am CRAZY about you, and if you ever drop off the face of this earth, i will hunt you down until i see your face again. cuz i love you. like crazy. :)

that's all i have to say tonight.
Happy Sabbath!!!!

till the next time,
ash the (nostalgic) dreamer