18 August 2009

just been thinking about different things today... thinking like the ashley i used to be, and it makes me feel free. some of the things i thought today...

my Bible study was so freeing last night. i don't even remember what that Psalm was about... i just remember feeling so healed, when i finished reading it. it helped that i had just watched a horrifically heart-draining episode of law and order criminal intent (no more for me! too much of the depressing part of the world!), and i was left feeling hopeless about life, the world, and Christianity... and Jesus fueled my heart. :)

i think i want to look into seeing if babysitting during my out-of-school hours would pay enough money to get me through college. doubt it, but it would be nice, and i would feel like i'm actually doing something fulfilling, rather than filling taco shells and taking people's orders... so tired of taco bell. and i want to be around kids so much more...

everyone that i talk to about falling in love says that it'll happen and i'll meet the right guy... i don't want to get desperate or obsessive, but i do wonder, who will that right guy be? and how in the world will i know? and even more, HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I FIND HIM?! i dream of falling in love... maybe it's just not for me. is falling in love just not for some people?

what is going to public school full-time like? i'm scared to be that immersed in such a secular culture. i hope and pray i can find a good ally to help me through it. :)

i hope i made Jesus proud today. i try. i try not to complain like Philippians 2 calls me to, and i try to be cheerful and pure in heart and kind and loving, and i try to put Jesus first... i try to do what (as far as i know) will make Jesus proud of me. i hope i succeeded today...

i can't wait to continue eliza's and noah's story. it's so epic--i just know it! i went and messed it up, and i've been praying that if God can still use it and if He still wants to use it, that He will, and i've been trying to wait on Him, but i want to write it so bad! i miss those hours of crafting eliza's and noah's lives...

i hope i can be a full-time author someday. that would be absolutely lovely and exquisite...

most of all, i thought of what it would be like to change lives today... to, life after life, impact goodness on each heart, to give hope instead of hopelessness, joy instead of strife, love instead of hatred, kindness instead of harshness, peace instead of war, Jesus instead of Satan, good instead of evil, and to, face after face, see a smile of hope... i've heard songs about how people who got to heaven and found the person responsible for planting the seed of hope, and i just want to have more people than anybody else... not because i'm conceited, but because i want Jesus glorified, and i want the best for those people...

i think i've come a long way from the darkness that i've been in... i'm not perfect, but i feel more hopeful today... hopefully, one day, i will be the girl Jesus wants me to be exactly... :)

1 comment:

thelaundryisneverfinished said...

hi ash :)
i wanted to tell you that i stumbled across your blog this afternoon and have spent my boys' nap time reading through...and it just gives me such renewed hope that there are girls like you that want to revolutionize the world! i love that you are a dreamer and want to impact lives for Jesus-keep it up, girlfriend. i'll be praying for you!!
jen :-)