30 October 2008


i just wanted to say that before this month is over. these are the random thoughts going through my head right now.

58 days until Christmas day. :)))))))))))))))) woohoo. i'm psyched. soar throats are a pain in the butt. i hate it that cussing is so popular and that now that i visit secular environments so much that those words enter my mind way too much. i want to meet Sanctus Real for more than five seconds and more than as just a fan who wants an autograph. i wonder where my Sanctus Real tee-shirt went to. i wonder how i'm going to end up changing the world like i know Jesus has planned for me to do. i miss my uncle (he was visiting from kansas) even though i'm glad there's more space in the house. i'm scared i'm gonna flunk my driver's test and never be able to drive. ever. :) really fearing that God has stopped making room for you in heaven is really scary. i've feared it, like, four times. it's mind-numbing. i still need to do my algebra homework. oh, wait. no i don't. cuz i had a test two days ago. :) i got accepted back into my dream school. i just need to come up with about $2500 by jan. 4. :) depression is stupid. i love my new playlist on myspace. here's my playlist on myspace:

1. yours, by dizmas
2. the fight song, by sanctus real
3. something to say, by matthew west
4. dear love, by the icarus account
5. doubts or disbelief, by chasen
6. grace, by phil wickham
7. nothing to lose, by sanctus real
8. stronger, by seabird
9. hold my heart, by tenth avenue north
10. opposite way, by leeland

yep. pretty awesome. Christian music at its best. :]]]]]]]] been thinking about ministry ideas. what i want to do to change the world. just don't know how to start it. i hate free taco afternoon at taco bell. i had about 7 people just about cuss me out when it came time to turn people away from their free tacos. silly people. they care about the stupidest things. please, nobody else steal any bases in the world series!!!! haha. i wanna paint again. oil painting is fun. i would love to miss a day of school. can't wait to get back to nebraska. i hope my Bible study is fruitful tonight. i wish i could study the Bible with matt hammitt and/or mike donehey. and mark graalman. that'd be awesome. i wanna meet claire hammitt. she's adorable. i want my bike back, so i can start exercising again. i wish i knew what major to take--psych (to become a family/marriage counselor) or small business management/lit (to own a bookstore).

so what's the point of all this rambling? i dunno. is there really ever a point to rambling? probably not. but all these things... music, school, Jesus... these are the things of my heart. i dunno what the future holds, but i finally know who holds me.

oh, i hate this... i've been trying to figure out how to say what i want to say for at least half an hour now, but i don't know how to say it. i just want to say that this world is crazy, and so messed up, but somehow, i've found peace, and the Way that i need to go, and it's just the most incredible thing. to find peace in depression... that is a miracle. a couple of entries ago i talked about sanctus real's song about how it's chaos, and there's peace, and how that was the perfect definition of depression--chaos--but i didn't know where the peace was, but, Jesus, in His mercy and strength and love, showed me the peace, too... it's like, an orchestra singing glory and majesty... and i can dance in circles with my Maker in the middle of it all... it's just so crazy... but it's my life. wow. :]

haha... just something to balance all the deep thoughts with. :) i love this video. :))))

1 comment:

Isabella said...

Nice blog. Sorry about your toe.
Check my blog out sometime. It's called "The Simple Joys in Life." You can find my profile by clicking on "Jesus" in your interests thing. Or maybe it's connected to this comment. I can't be sure. I joined Blogger about 3 days ago. This is my first real comment. Well, see ya!