13 July 2008


i am blessed.

i really hope that doesn't sound conceited or cliched. i hate sounding conceited and cliched. i'm a humble Christian writer, and humble Christian writers hate that.

it kind of just dawned on me, as i'm getting ready to go to bed, and i didn't want to forget it. i wish i was talented enough of a writer to be able to write a song about how blessed i am, and then share it with you, but right now, prose is my thing. and that's only sometimes.

sometimes, i get these epiphanies about life and my position in it--like humility is one of the coolest personality traits in the whole world, and changing the world is what we were created for, and life is completely colorless without loving and knowing and being with Jesus more than any other living thing that ever existed. this epiphany isn't quite so timeless... it applies to right now for me. i. am. blessed.

wow. lately (as in the past 18 months) i have been going through a horrible stretch of my life... i guess depression isn't something people usually brag about on a blog, but i admit it: i was depressed. not just the sort of "oh, i'm in the blues today" sort of depressed but the sort of "i've been clinically diagnosed as a person who suffers from clinical depression" sort of depression. it is the most evil, conceited, selfish disease ever created to invade a person's soul. i believe it is the cancer of the mind and the heart. i hope satan suffers a good long time for creating depression alone.

anyway. so since i have been depressed, i have stopped appreciating a lot of things--like my friends and family, and the simple pleasure of being happy, dancing in the rain, hugging my two little sisters every day, watching movies and praying for my best friends, planning to coup the powers that control the world and giving it back to Jesus (so He can turn the world upside down and start it turning the other direction), reading a book, writing a novel, jumping up and down to music like a crazy little kid... life is supposed to be lived out loud... and i've been failing miserably. not because i wanted to, but because depression robbed me of my life. but now, little by little, it's coming back, and, man, let me tell you, the feeling is PHENOMENAL!!! wow... what a rush... i have been given so much... i just want to live now...

man... but i have to sleep... i really wish sleep didn't exist. it puts a damper on all my excitement. :*(

i just wanted to remind myself... and anyone else who takes the time to read this... life is good. even when you're depressed. i know sometimes we don't even want to see it, but wow, God is SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! Jesus takes favor in us, and that, in itself, should be enough.

and i pray that it is.

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