Today is my friend's wedding day! Since it's about 2:30 am on tomorrow in Paris (where she lives), I'm sure the wedding is already over (hehe), but I just wanted to say happy wedding day, Amelie! I hope you and Jacob are VERY happy together, and that your honeymoon in Turkey is amazing! :)
Also, if you get a chance, my lovely friends, please remember me in your prayers. School, work, staying up entirely too late, my sudden lack of independence (due to the sudden and tragic death of my lovely, reliable car, Lucie), and just about a million other things have me going utterly CRAZY... and I'm really in need of some extra strength to get me through these next few days until Spring Break starts in just a few days!
Oooh, and there are exact-ically 17 days until my birthday!!!!! Woohoo! I'm excited. :) My birthday is always entirely spectacular. :) The countdown has officially begun. :)
Haha.
I love you all... talk to you soon! :)
Till next time,
Ash the (Struggling) Dreamer
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
03 March 2010
21 January 2010
Ashley the Magnificent's Third Adventure!
Hello, World! :)
I desperately need to go read Beowulf for my English (British) lit class, but I'm dreading it. Beowolf is SUCH a weird story! That, and I have some French, math, and possibly writing (for my creative writing class), too! Do you know how much it STINKS to have almost ALL of your classes in college on three days, instead of evenly spread out? I hate having four classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but only having one class on Tuesday and Thursday. I am dreading this. :*(
Hehe, but that's not why I logged on today... Ashley the Magnificent had an experience to remember today, but she's about to split personalities and become Ashley the Bewildered. lol.
So today I only had one class--it's called "Contemporary Issues", and it's beyond boring. :*( But that's not the point.
Anywhooooo... so now my little brother and I both go to the same college, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we have the exact same schedule--one class, from 8 to 9:20 am, even in the same building! We're not in the same class, though. :) Anyway, so I went to class, dealt with the boring-ness.
Then after we finished, we went over to this little bookstore that has books for Kutztown students to buy/rent for their classes. We both needed to get some books that weren't there when we bought them earlier. Anyway, so we bought the books, I lost $25 (*tear*), and we went home.
I was hanging out, avoiding homework (not the best idea, mind you...). Then my brother came into my room and told me that the Kutztown POLICE called our house, because somebody had turned in my WALLET! I was so confused--I was like, I HAVE my wallet! :/
But then I looked, and I really didn't. I was so confused, because I didn't have a CLUE how I lost it. Maybe I accidentally left it on the counter or something?
But after talking to the police for about five minutes, and they confirmed that the contents inside were in fact mine, I was just about to arrange to go down there and pick them up, when, across the telephone lines, you would never guess what I heard.
My dad.
So weird. He sometimes works at my school, but I didn't know he was in the area. Anyway, the policeman asked me if I knew were "the com" was or something like that (btw, I don't even KNOW what that is! lol). And I was like, "Uh, no, actually..."
And then my dad was trying to give him instructions to give me to get there! Hehe. It was really funny.
Then the cop was just like, "Um, your dad says he's here... can you tell me his name?"
I was like, "Uhhh..." But I told him. And then he was like, "Okay, well, I'm giving it to him, if that's okay with you..."
I was like, "haha... fine."
And then he hung up.
So strange. :)
And now I have to get to Beowulf.
Happy day, world! :)
Till next time,
Ash the (Amused) Dreamer
I desperately need to go read Beowulf for my English (British) lit class, but I'm dreading it. Beowolf is SUCH a weird story! That, and I have some French, math, and possibly writing (for my creative writing class), too! Do you know how much it STINKS to have almost ALL of your classes in college on three days, instead of evenly spread out? I hate having four classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but only having one class on Tuesday and Thursday. I am dreading this. :*(
Hehe, but that's not why I logged on today... Ashley the Magnificent had an experience to remember today, but she's about to split personalities and become Ashley the Bewildered. lol.
So today I only had one class--it's called "Contemporary Issues", and it's beyond boring. :*( But that's not the point.
Anywhooooo... so now my little brother and I both go to the same college, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we have the exact same schedule--one class, from 8 to 9:20 am, even in the same building! We're not in the same class, though. :) Anyway, so I went to class, dealt with the boring-ness.
Then after we finished, we went over to this little bookstore that has books for Kutztown students to buy/rent for their classes. We both needed to get some books that weren't there when we bought them earlier. Anyway, so we bought the books, I lost $25 (*tear*), and we went home.
I was hanging out, avoiding homework (not the best idea, mind you...). Then my brother came into my room and told me that the Kutztown POLICE called our house, because somebody had turned in my WALLET! I was so confused--I was like, I HAVE my wallet! :/
But then I looked, and I really didn't. I was so confused, because I didn't have a CLUE how I lost it. Maybe I accidentally left it on the counter or something?
But after talking to the police for about five minutes, and they confirmed that the contents inside were in fact mine, I was just about to arrange to go down there and pick them up, when, across the telephone lines, you would never guess what I heard.
My dad.
So weird. He sometimes works at my school, but I didn't know he was in the area. Anyway, the policeman asked me if I knew were "the com" was or something like that (btw, I don't even KNOW what that is! lol). And I was like, "Uh, no, actually..."
And then my dad was trying to give him instructions to give me to get there! Hehe. It was really funny.
Then the cop was just like, "Um, your dad says he's here... can you tell me his name?"
I was like, "Uhhh..." But I told him. And then he was like, "Okay, well, I'm giving it to him, if that's okay with you..."
I was like, "haha... fine."
And then he hung up.
So strange. :)
And now I have to get to Beowulf.
Happy day, world! :)
Till next time,
Ash the (Amused) Dreamer
18 December 2009
exhausted...
hello.
:]
i'm exhausted tonight.
i don't think i like grocery shopping very much.
haha, let me explain. my family is hosting this annual Christmas party we have every year, and we were so busy all week we really didn't get to prepare until last night, and the party is tomorrow night... and we're gonna be at church pretty much all day tomorrow, until about suppertime (aka party time...). so it had to happen today. so after i took my last final (eek!) i did ALL the grocery shopping for the party for my mom (took me like, five hours, maybe?), and i am so tired! staying up till midnight studying and waking up at 6:30-ish every morning does that to me. :/ but i'm super excited, because i think our Christmas party is probably my FAVORITE part of the year, besides Christmas morning itself, and some years, my birthday... :]
i'm excited to start working on this Christmas story, about this special little lady named Willow, and her to-be amazing guy, Ben. And Ben's two adorable little girls, Bella and Liliana. :] it's going to be spectacularly amazing! :]
anyway, it seems like EVERY day i learn something new about Christmas and what it's supposed to be about... so today i was reading Matthew 1 (well, the part that includes the story of Jesus' birth, anyway), and it just hit me how much what Joseph accepted really meant to him. he would endure the mocking of him taking a wife that was having a baby that was not his own. that was BIG back then. it meant that he said YES to being the father of the Father of the Universe. (can you REALLY comprehend that? i can't!) it meant that he said yes to God, even when he was so scared he didn't know what to do. so i guess, today i learned that even if God's plan doesn't make sense at all, and God's plan scares me more than it comforts me, it's still God's plan. and after all is said and done, it's always best to say yes to Jesus. :]
:]
i'm exhausted tonight.
i don't think i like grocery shopping very much.
haha, let me explain. my family is hosting this annual Christmas party we have every year, and we were so busy all week we really didn't get to prepare until last night, and the party is tomorrow night... and we're gonna be at church pretty much all day tomorrow, until about suppertime (aka party time...). so it had to happen today. so after i took my last final (eek!) i did ALL the grocery shopping for the party for my mom (took me like, five hours, maybe?), and i am so tired! staying up till midnight studying and waking up at 6:30-ish every morning does that to me. :/ but i'm super excited, because i think our Christmas party is probably my FAVORITE part of the year, besides Christmas morning itself, and some years, my birthday... :]
i'm excited to start working on this Christmas story, about this special little lady named Willow, and her to-be amazing guy, Ben. And Ben's two adorable little girls, Bella and Liliana. :] it's going to be spectacularly amazing! :]
anyway, it seems like EVERY day i learn something new about Christmas and what it's supposed to be about... so today i was reading Matthew 1 (well, the part that includes the story of Jesus' birth, anyway), and it just hit me how much what Joseph accepted really meant to him. he would endure the mocking of him taking a wife that was having a baby that was not his own. that was BIG back then. it meant that he said YES to being the father of the Father of the Universe. (can you REALLY comprehend that? i can't!) it meant that he said yes to God, even when he was so scared he didn't know what to do. so i guess, today i learned that even if God's plan doesn't make sense at all, and God's plan scares me more than it comforts me, it's still God's plan. and after all is said and done, it's always best to say yes to Jesus. :]
05 November 2009
worst week ever...
I know I said I would be back tomorrow, but I only have one class today, and I'm kinda hiding from the real world right now.
Probably just my overdramatic self taking things way out of proportion, but I just have to step back and be able to see how overdramatic I'm really being, and I'm pretty sure nothing major is happening in my lit class today. Besides, it started 45 minutes ago, and I'm a mess.
Yesterday one of my bosses talked to me about not doing my job right, and I guess I just wasn't seeing things that needed to be done, and she was thinking that I was all lazy and it was just a mess. Have you ever cried in front of your boss? Yeah.
EMBARRASSING!!!!
Anyway, she's going to try and get the managers to help me so I can be a better worker, but there was just stuff at that time that I really didn't know how to say, so I feel like I got a bunch of heat that really didn't need to be put under my rear, but whatever.
My mom's been so sweet about everything, and when I told her, she told me about how once one of her bosses told her that she was basically the weakest link in the whole production, and she bawled like a baby, so I don't feel TERRIBLE. I just cried all the way home, and I can't stop crying now! Gah, it's so annoying.
But then last night I had a dream that after helping the people in the show Numb3rs (aka, my new favorite TV show!) solve this crazy case on a beach somewhere (it was really weird, like a mix between Lost and Numb3rs, and I didn't know what was going on, lol!), I came home, and for some reason, my name was Arianne. Not sure why, but it was. I'm cool with that, though, because Arianne's probably my second favorite name right now, just after Eliza. :) Anyway, my parents didn't even TALK to me about this, but they said, "Oh, you have a letter waiting for you in our room." So I read the letter, and it basically said that my parents were tired of me not taking responsibility for myself and they were so tired of all my emotional problems (aka my depression and OCD) that they weren't going to put up with it much longer, and they were going to kick me out of the house just before the next school year started. Gah, what kind of dream is THAT?! I think I was crying in my dream, too, and so now I'm freaking out and reevaluating my life and such, and it doesn't help that my dad actually said that in real life... that if I didn't get my act together I could just leave.
Gah.
Anyway, so if I missed my lit powerpoint presentation, you know why. I feel like I'm a ROYAL MESS. :/
But out of all of this, I am learning that I've been taking the easy road, and even though I keep saying all these things about following Jesus, I've been going my own way, and I'm trying to come back to Him and make Him proud.
Pray for me, if you read this.
Because, well, GAH, I need it SOOOO much right now! :/
Until next time,
Ash the (Tearful) Dreamer
Probably just my overdramatic self taking things way out of proportion, but I just have to step back and be able to see how overdramatic I'm really being, and I'm pretty sure nothing major is happening in my lit class today. Besides, it started 45 minutes ago, and I'm a mess.
Yesterday one of my bosses talked to me about not doing my job right, and I guess I just wasn't seeing things that needed to be done, and she was thinking that I was all lazy and it was just a mess. Have you ever cried in front of your boss? Yeah.
EMBARRASSING!!!!
Anyway, she's going to try and get the managers to help me so I can be a better worker, but there was just stuff at that time that I really didn't know how to say, so I feel like I got a bunch of heat that really didn't need to be put under my rear, but whatever.
My mom's been so sweet about everything, and when I told her, she told me about how once one of her bosses told her that she was basically the weakest link in the whole production, and she bawled like a baby, so I don't feel TERRIBLE. I just cried all the way home, and I can't stop crying now! Gah, it's so annoying.
But then last night I had a dream that after helping the people in the show Numb3rs (aka, my new favorite TV show!) solve this crazy case on a beach somewhere (it was really weird, like a mix between Lost and Numb3rs, and I didn't know what was going on, lol!), I came home, and for some reason, my name was Arianne. Not sure why, but it was. I'm cool with that, though, because Arianne's probably my second favorite name right now, just after Eliza. :) Anyway, my parents didn't even TALK to me about this, but they said, "Oh, you have a letter waiting for you in our room." So I read the letter, and it basically said that my parents were tired of me not taking responsibility for myself and they were so tired of all my emotional problems (aka my depression and OCD) that they weren't going to put up with it much longer, and they were going to kick me out of the house just before the next school year started. Gah, what kind of dream is THAT?! I think I was crying in my dream, too, and so now I'm freaking out and reevaluating my life and such, and it doesn't help that my dad actually said that in real life... that if I didn't get my act together I could just leave.
Gah.
Anyway, so if I missed my lit powerpoint presentation, you know why. I feel like I'm a ROYAL MESS. :/
But out of all of this, I am learning that I've been taking the easy road, and even though I keep saying all these things about following Jesus, I've been going my own way, and I'm trying to come back to Him and make Him proud.
Pray for me, if you read this.
Because, well, GAH, I need it SOOOO much right now! :/
Until next time,
Ash the (Tearful) Dreamer
18 August 2009
just been thinking about different things today... thinking like the ashley i used to be, and it makes me feel free. some of the things i thought today...
my Bible study was so freeing last night. i don't even remember what that Psalm was about... i just remember feeling so healed, when i finished reading it. it helped that i had just watched a horrifically heart-draining episode of law and order criminal intent (no more for me! too much of the depressing part of the world!), and i was left feeling hopeless about life, the world, and Christianity... and Jesus fueled my heart. :)
i think i want to look into seeing if babysitting during my out-of-school hours would pay enough money to get me through college. doubt it, but it would be nice, and i would feel like i'm actually doing something fulfilling, rather than filling taco shells and taking people's orders... so tired of taco bell. and i want to be around kids so much more...
everyone that i talk to about falling in love says that it'll happen and i'll meet the right guy... i don't want to get desperate or obsessive, but i do wonder, who will that right guy be? and how in the world will i know? and even more, HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I FIND HIM?! i dream of falling in love... maybe it's just not for me. is falling in love just not for some people?
what is going to public school full-time like? i'm scared to be that immersed in such a secular culture. i hope and pray i can find a good ally to help me through it. :)
i hope i made Jesus proud today. i try. i try not to complain like Philippians 2 calls me to, and i try to be cheerful and pure in heart and kind and loving, and i try to put Jesus first... i try to do what (as far as i know) will make Jesus proud of me. i hope i succeeded today...
i can't wait to continue eliza's and noah's story. it's so epic--i just know it! i went and messed it up, and i've been praying that if God can still use it and if He still wants to use it, that He will, and i've been trying to wait on Him, but i want to write it so bad! i miss those hours of crafting eliza's and noah's lives...
i hope i can be a full-time author someday. that would be absolutely lovely and exquisite...
most of all, i thought of what it would be like to change lives today... to, life after life, impact goodness on each heart, to give hope instead of hopelessness, joy instead of strife, love instead of hatred, kindness instead of harshness, peace instead of war, Jesus instead of Satan, good instead of evil, and to, face after face, see a smile of hope... i've heard songs about how people who got to heaven and found the person responsible for planting the seed of hope, and i just want to have more people than anybody else... not because i'm conceited, but because i want Jesus glorified, and i want the best for those people...
i think i've come a long way from the darkness that i've been in... i'm not perfect, but i feel more hopeful today... hopefully, one day, i will be the girl Jesus wants me to be exactly... :)
my Bible study was so freeing last night. i don't even remember what that Psalm was about... i just remember feeling so healed, when i finished reading it. it helped that i had just watched a horrifically heart-draining episode of law and order criminal intent (no more for me! too much of the depressing part of the world!), and i was left feeling hopeless about life, the world, and Christianity... and Jesus fueled my heart. :)
i think i want to look into seeing if babysitting during my out-of-school hours would pay enough money to get me through college. doubt it, but it would be nice, and i would feel like i'm actually doing something fulfilling, rather than filling taco shells and taking people's orders... so tired of taco bell. and i want to be around kids so much more...
everyone that i talk to about falling in love says that it'll happen and i'll meet the right guy... i don't want to get desperate or obsessive, but i do wonder, who will that right guy be? and how in the world will i know? and even more, HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I FIND HIM?! i dream of falling in love... maybe it's just not for me. is falling in love just not for some people?
what is going to public school full-time like? i'm scared to be that immersed in such a secular culture. i hope and pray i can find a good ally to help me through it. :)
i hope i made Jesus proud today. i try. i try not to complain like Philippians 2 calls me to, and i try to be cheerful and pure in heart and kind and loving, and i try to put Jesus first... i try to do what (as far as i know) will make Jesus proud of me. i hope i succeeded today...
i can't wait to continue eliza's and noah's story. it's so epic--i just know it! i went and messed it up, and i've been praying that if God can still use it and if He still wants to use it, that He will, and i've been trying to wait on Him, but i want to write it so bad! i miss those hours of crafting eliza's and noah's lives...
i hope i can be a full-time author someday. that would be absolutely lovely and exquisite...
most of all, i thought of what it would be like to change lives today... to, life after life, impact goodness on each heart, to give hope instead of hopelessness, joy instead of strife, love instead of hatred, kindness instead of harshness, peace instead of war, Jesus instead of Satan, good instead of evil, and to, face after face, see a smile of hope... i've heard songs about how people who got to heaven and found the person responsible for planting the seed of hope, and i just want to have more people than anybody else... not because i'm conceited, but because i want Jesus glorified, and i want the best for those people...
i think i've come a long way from the darkness that i've been in... i'm not perfect, but i feel more hopeful today... hopefully, one day, i will be the girl Jesus wants me to be exactly... :)
02 May 2009
hi. again. :)
i just wanted to say that. :)
finals start next week, so i'll be super-busy in the next week. :) for now, i have an awesome book that i'm allowed to borrow until tomorrow evening. :) it's called "ruth and boaz", by terri fivash. :) hopefully, i can finish it before i have to give it back! :)
ttyl, dudes! happy Sabbath!!!
ash the (reading) dreamer :)
finals start next week, so i'll be super-busy in the next week. :) for now, i have an awesome book that i'm allowed to borrow until tomorrow evening. :) it's called "ruth and boaz", by terri fivash. :) hopefully, i can finish it before i have to give it back! :)
ttyl, dudes! happy Sabbath!!!
ash the (reading) dreamer :)
16 April 2009
trusting Jesus...
just wanted to post a little update since my "prayer" blog... :) life hasn't been too easy for me in the past couple days... i've been worrying way too much, probably since i don't feel like i've been listening to God's voice too much. there's some things that really mean a lot to me, and i've grown to love them incredibly, and the idea of cutting them out of my life because it's God's will is very hard for me. when i love something, i don't want to let it go...
anyway, i've just been thinking about what it means to trust in God lately, to give everything to Him and to stop trusting in myself. when i was younger, i didn't have as many complications with life and i knew right where i was going. depression complicates and confuses things a lot, and i really haven't known where i was going with a lot of things lately... i've been really trying to live life like God wants me to, but it feels so strange to listen to God completely now. a good strange, but still very different.
it makes me sick that i've lost hold of this relationship so much that i barely knew to seek it anymore...
and yet, i have a paper due tomorrow, and i really want to work on this story, but i am so adamant about not moving forward until i know God's will. and every time i think about this story that i so want to write, i'm afraid that, by even considering it, i am going against God's plan for me.
i want to seek God's will. i want to do what He has called me to do. even if it means bidding eliza and noah and hadley and amelia and james and olive and bristol and lulu and abby and grant and bailey and the baby and sam and nathan and all the other characters in this story... i just wish it was easier to hear God's voice.
has anyone else come across that? i always thought i had the answers when i was younger, that i knew just where life was headed and just the place i needed to be as it moved along, but i'm not so sure anymore. in the past couple days since my last blog, though, one thing has become CRYSTAL clear to me. i want to walk with Jesus, to follow in His footsteps and keep His commands, to follow His vision for me, and to always love like Jesus loved. i know writing stories will always be a part of who i am and what i do, but for now, i am content to watch movies with naomi and tease my brother and sisters and anticipate when my father arrives on may 6 to take me home to a beautiful hill in southeastern pennsylvania, where my heart and dreams lie. maybe that baby girl in my story will be maria. maybe i'll get to tell eliza's story. and maybe i won't. maybe i don't know where life is headed anymore.
but now i have Jesus at my side, and i know He is guiding me in the direction i need to go, and that's more than i could have said a couple of days ago.
until next time,
ash the (waiting) dreamer :)
anyway, i've just been thinking about what it means to trust in God lately, to give everything to Him and to stop trusting in myself. when i was younger, i didn't have as many complications with life and i knew right where i was going. depression complicates and confuses things a lot, and i really haven't known where i was going with a lot of things lately... i've been really trying to live life like God wants me to, but it feels so strange to listen to God completely now. a good strange, but still very different.
it makes me sick that i've lost hold of this relationship so much that i barely knew to seek it anymore...
and yet, i have a paper due tomorrow, and i really want to work on this story, but i am so adamant about not moving forward until i know God's will. and every time i think about this story that i so want to write, i'm afraid that, by even considering it, i am going against God's plan for me.
i want to seek God's will. i want to do what He has called me to do. even if it means bidding eliza and noah and hadley and amelia and james and olive and bristol and lulu and abby and grant and bailey and the baby and sam and nathan and all the other characters in this story... i just wish it was easier to hear God's voice.
has anyone else come across that? i always thought i had the answers when i was younger, that i knew just where life was headed and just the place i needed to be as it moved along, but i'm not so sure anymore. in the past couple days since my last blog, though, one thing has become CRYSTAL clear to me. i want to walk with Jesus, to follow in His footsteps and keep His commands, to follow His vision for me, and to always love like Jesus loved. i know writing stories will always be a part of who i am and what i do, but for now, i am content to watch movies with naomi and tease my brother and sisters and anticipate when my father arrives on may 6 to take me home to a beautiful hill in southeastern pennsylvania, where my heart and dreams lie. maybe that baby girl in my story will be maria. maybe i'll get to tell eliza's story. and maybe i won't. maybe i don't know where life is headed anymore.
but now i have Jesus at my side, and i know He is guiding me in the direction i need to go, and that's more than i could have said a couple of days ago.
until next time,
ash the (waiting) dreamer :)
14 April 2009
Dear God...
Dear God,
I know this isn't the conventional sort of blog, but people should learn to expect that right now. I just need to get away and pray, and if people actually do read this, then I'm guessing that they will need to get away and pray, too! So I hope this is a reminder to them how much relationships with You matter.
Precious, precious Lord, STOP ME FROM THE CRASH COURSE I AM HEADED INTO! I mean this with all of my heart, and it is driving me crazy that I won't let myself give into Your way. All these crazy things are going on in my head, and I think I'm either about to drive myself CRAZY enough that I will do something I'll regret. And NOBODY needs that. Or, I'll just collapse because I've tried so hard to do it on my own.
Why are we so eager to try and fix things ourselves?
Jesus, half of the people that read this blog won't understand what I'm talking about for some of these things, but I know You do.
Jesus, I know You have called me to write this story about Eliza and Noah and all the others, but I'm reading WAY too much into the details of it all, and now I really REALLY don't know what I'm doing! Thank You for a few breakthroughs in the story--Lulu and Bristol are perfect additions to the cast, and the idea of James using his middle name when he gives his life over to You again--Jesus, that's ingenious and I love it. And Jesus, I thought I loved Arianne, and sometimes I think I still do, and I used to love the nn Ari, but now I don't even know anymore. I've had so many problems with that name... not really because I believe that it's the name I want instead of the name You want, but because I've been trying to force things and I've been trying to GO. MY. OWN. WAY. And that is not Your way. THAT is the heart of the problem. Maybe your plan is for me to use Arianne. Maybe your plan is for me to use Elena. Maybe Your plan is for me to keep Cara or Amelia. I don't know. But I don't want to move forward until I am walking in Your will, because everything else is throwing me off balance! And then I keep trying to push it and push it, and it's NOT working.
Jesus, help me to stop thinking about it. Help my mind to just rest in You and know that You are in control of the story about Eliza and Noah and the band Amelia and the whole story. You birthed that story a long time ago, and I know You have a magnificent plan for it, a plan to change the world. Now everybody on PC wants to read it, but I need to get right with You before I can move forward and share this gift with the world. You and me first. THEN everybody else!
And Jesus, then there's history. I've put it off too long, and I know I need to get it done, but it takes TOO MUCH TIME, and all I want to do is have a Sabbath again, since I missed it last weekend. :*( I'm sorry about that, too, Jesus. You deserve better than what I worshiped. :*(
Lord, help me to do my best for You. Help me to stop fixating on these things that don't even matter, and help me to LOVE You and WORSHIP You, and put You on the pedestal, and then everything will come.
Jesus, help me to stop fixing things. Help me to stop going crazy. I need Your peace in my life... Before I go CRAZY!
Jesus, I know You are with me, and I'm so grateful that You have heard my prayer. Guide me as I do my homework tonight, heal my wounds from falling so much, and teach me to put You first, not anything else. Amen.
(Sorry, y'all, if you didn't want to hear my prayer life... but it's something that has been really bothering me lately, and I figured it was something the whole world needs to deal with, too!)
Till next time,
Ash the (Wounded) Dreamer
I know this isn't the conventional sort of blog, but people should learn to expect that right now. I just need to get away and pray, and if people actually do read this, then I'm guessing that they will need to get away and pray, too! So I hope this is a reminder to them how much relationships with You matter.
Precious, precious Lord, STOP ME FROM THE CRASH COURSE I AM HEADED INTO! I mean this with all of my heart, and it is driving me crazy that I won't let myself give into Your way. All these crazy things are going on in my head, and I think I'm either about to drive myself CRAZY enough that I will do something I'll regret. And NOBODY needs that. Or, I'll just collapse because I've tried so hard to do it on my own.
Why are we so eager to try and fix things ourselves?
Jesus, half of the people that read this blog won't understand what I'm talking about for some of these things, but I know You do.
Jesus, I know You have called me to write this story about Eliza and Noah and all the others, but I'm reading WAY too much into the details of it all, and now I really REALLY don't know what I'm doing! Thank You for a few breakthroughs in the story--Lulu and Bristol are perfect additions to the cast, and the idea of James using his middle name when he gives his life over to You again--Jesus, that's ingenious and I love it. And Jesus, I thought I loved Arianne, and sometimes I think I still do, and I used to love the nn Ari, but now I don't even know anymore. I've had so many problems with that name... not really because I believe that it's the name I want instead of the name You want, but because I've been trying to force things and I've been trying to GO. MY. OWN. WAY. And that is not Your way. THAT is the heart of the problem. Maybe your plan is for me to use Arianne. Maybe your plan is for me to use Elena. Maybe Your plan is for me to keep Cara or Amelia. I don't know. But I don't want to move forward until I am walking in Your will, because everything else is throwing me off balance! And then I keep trying to push it and push it, and it's NOT working.
Jesus, help me to stop thinking about it. Help my mind to just rest in You and know that You are in control of the story about Eliza and Noah and the band Amelia and the whole story. You birthed that story a long time ago, and I know You have a magnificent plan for it, a plan to change the world. Now everybody on PC wants to read it, but I need to get right with You before I can move forward and share this gift with the world. You and me first. THEN everybody else!
And Jesus, then there's history. I've put it off too long, and I know I need to get it done, but it takes TOO MUCH TIME, and all I want to do is have a Sabbath again, since I missed it last weekend. :*( I'm sorry about that, too, Jesus. You deserve better than what I worshiped. :*(
Lord, help me to do my best for You. Help me to stop fixating on these things that don't even matter, and help me to LOVE You and WORSHIP You, and put You on the pedestal, and then everything will come.
Jesus, help me to stop fixing things. Help me to stop going crazy. I need Your peace in my life... Before I go CRAZY!
Jesus, I know You are with me, and I'm so grateful that You have heard my prayer. Guide me as I do my homework tonight, heal my wounds from falling so much, and teach me to put You first, not anything else. Amen.
(Sorry, y'all, if you didn't want to hear my prayer life... but it's something that has been really bothering me lately, and I figured it was something the whole world needs to deal with, too!)
Till next time,
Ash the (Wounded) Dreamer
02 January 2009
toes and drummers and marriage and twitter...
i stubbed my toe today. actually, about an hour ago. and it hurts REALLY bad. i almost passed out. but then again, i have a low tolerance for pain, so that's not really saying much.
i got a twitter account since my last post. still not sure if i want to put it on my blog. i just found my cousin in france on twitter. that made me pretty psyched. i haven't seen her for years, and i haven't talked to her for months. :*(
and for some reason really unknown to me, mark graalman, the drummer from sanctus real, is following my posts. ??????????????????!!!!!!!!!! i really don't get that, but i don't object! maybe that's God's way for getting me to be able to start that ministry for sanctus real and all the other Christian bands i was talking about earlier last year. :))) man, i sure do want to meet his little boys. ben and nate are sooooooooo adorable. so are claire and emmy, even though the girls are matt hammitt's, not mark graalman's, lol. i think i want to meet them more.
i leave for my new school at around 4 o'clock in the morning on sunday, so this is probably my last post on the east coast. the next time, it'll be in the middle of the midwest, in the middle of nowhere. *sigh*. i'm kind of looking forward to it, but i'm also afraid of some things.
i decided to change my major. did i tell you guys that, too? i changed it to psychology. i pretty much hate the idea of going to school for about seven more years, just so i can help the next generation to believe in marriage, and for this generation to fall in love with God's plan. but i really do believe in it, and i believe it is something God really called me to. other things are just my interests, but i think, if i can't write stories and help people fix their marriages, and meet sanctus real and preach all over america and change the next generation... if i can't do that, i think i will die.
well, i'm not feeling to great (health-wise), and i am really tired. i'm going to do my Bible study and call it a night. sweet dreams, internetdom. :)
till later,
ash the dreamer...
26 August 2008
top 10 things
hello, everybody... :)
tomorrow, i start school again... i feel like i'm so behind everybody else! anywho, tomorrow i'll probably have some stories to tell, but, for today, i feel like doing something i saw a bunch of other people doing on the internet--posting a "top 10 favorites" list--on myspace, their blog, whatever. so i'm gonna do it, too.
10. what women want
9. working at taco bell
8. 2008 beijing olympics
7. two weeks notice
6. laughing
5. getting ready for school
4. writing novels--especially about beautiful characters
3. Sanctus Real
2. the mikucki brothers (i feel inclined to say
that these two boys aren't the mikucki brothers...
at least, not the ones i'm talking about. :) i just
don't have a picture of joe and geoffrey... :])
1. God's love and mercy.
that's all, folks. i wanna watch a movie before i go to bed. toodles... :P
until later,
ash
tomorrow, i start school again... i feel like i'm so behind everybody else! anywho, tomorrow i'll probably have some stories to tell, but, for today, i feel like doing something i saw a bunch of other people doing on the internet--posting a "top 10 favorites" list--on myspace, their blog, whatever. so i'm gonna do it, too.
10. what women want
9. working at taco bell
8. 2008 beijing olympics
7. two weeks notice
6. laughing
5. getting ready for school
4. writing novels--especially about beautiful characters
3. Sanctus Real
2. the mikucki brothers (i feel inclined to say
that these two boys aren't the mikucki brothers...
at least, not the ones i'm talking about. :) i just
don't have a picture of joe and geoffrey... :])
1. God's love and mercy.
that's all, folks. i wanna watch a movie before i go to bed. toodles... :P
until later,
ash
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