Ruts and Revolutions

Hello! I am twenty one years, one week, 18 hours, and 48 minutes old now. :) I might actually have something to say on this weekly Friday blog! :) Shocking, I know.

Nothing has really changed in my life... I still have humongous amounts of psychology assignments, projects, tests, and quizzes due every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I still miss Pennsylvania enormously, and I still am in love with orange juice (yes, it's true...), and I still want to pray with Sanctus Real and Addison Road more than almost anything else... But... my heart has changed.

I had been in a rut lately. I don't like to talk about ruts, because that means I let myself get into a rut. And if I let myself get into a rut, well, then, the dreamer inside of me that begs to live life to its fullest every day has sorely been lacking in making the dreams come true! Anyway, so, there is just something about this school I go to that makes me get into ruts like that. :*( It's very sad. Which is why I will probably go to school in Pennsylvania next year! (That makes me very excited. I miss my beautiful state, and all the beautiful people in it that I love so dearly.)

Anyway, back to the rut. My biggest dream (no matter what else I say, this really is my biggest dream) is to have a purpose, and I want my purpose to impact the world dynamically for Jesus. To strive for a goal, and, at the end of my life, look back and know that my life wasn't just going to kindergarten, and then elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then college, and then getting married, and having the socially expected two children (I want tons more, and I want to adopt, like, five), go to work every day, wear myself thin and, when I'm old and graying, wonder what it all was for. There is a greater purpose, and I. WILL. LIVE. IT!!!!!!!! I have always felt that way. :)

At the beginning of this week (and during most of spring break), I was feeling that my life wasn't leading anywhere, and, no matter what field I went into, I was still going to be in that rut, and my life wasn't worth anything, and it wasn't pursuing any purpose. This was my rut.

I hate ruts.

Anyway, so I was praying a lot during this week, trying to pray myself out of my rut (I do that a lot... and it usually works! Imagin that!)), and not only did it bring me closer to God, but in this moment, I feel the purpose and passion returning. I love it that I serve a God that has known my heart before it was even created, and I love it that He made my heart to pump and pulse for a purpose, and that He created that purpose, just to satisfy those desires! I love it that I'm not an ordinary person, that I can--and do--live above the norm, and that I don't have to be another statistic. I can single-handedly begin the revolution for love and people's hearts, because Jesus has put that passion in me, and He gives me power because the Holy Spirit is upon us... It takes my breath away that God gives me this passion and this pursuit, just so I can desire and chase His crazy-thought-out dream for me, and then I live it, and it is perfectly how God Almighty meant for it to be!

One day, down the future after I've been trained by Almighty God to the point where I am ready to go out and change the world in a big way, I will live my dreams, and I will know that this dream was headier and more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. :)))))))))))) Oh, wow, how I long for that day! And the greatest part is, I won't even know it, because I'll be preaching and hugging kids and praying with teens and babysitting for overstressed single moms, and in the middle of it, when I can take a breath and look around me, I just might see the dream I had back when I was in high school and college, and realize that what I do to live this love revolution, it is good. And not only is it good, it is very good. But it's never going to be enough. I can never be too good, because the world will always need to be changed.

And, in the meantime, I can change the world on a small level. Watch Hogan's Heroes with my two little sisters. Hug Laney and eat with her at potluck at church. Greet people as they come to church. Pray for my momma when she has a hard day. Listen to Myla and Ashley when they don't know what to do. That kind of thing. And that's always incredibly fun, too!

While I can't do everything, I can make my mark on history, and I refuse to not be one of those people that the world looks at, and says, "Wow, what kind of young person is that? She isn't an ordinary person."

And they'll be right. Because I'm not just one of the hundreds of Ashleys. I'm Ash. The Dreamer. And I'm going to change the world! :))))))))))

Till next Friday,
Ashley

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

hey, everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i made a pact with you to try and post a new blog every friday night, so i'm holding myself to that promise tonight!

today was a good day. most of my week was uneventful... i watched ncis and posted on this awesome website called parentsconnect.com... if you go to babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com, you can find your way to joining the website. anyway, since i'm such a name junkie, i love that website. anway, so i was on that site a lot this week (as usual).

on tuesday, i went to my old workplace, the taco bell by my old high school, and i hung out with the mikucki brothers and carol for about an hour. geoffrey made me laugh; joe made me remember what it's like to talk about life and God. carol just made me smile. :))))

on thursday (aka yesterday) i went to this awesome sandwich/soup restaurant with my family (it's called Isaac's... maybe you've heard of it? anyway, it's fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and i had my favorite-est sandwich in the whole wide world. it's called the Giant Sequoia. and yes, it is unbelievably large. :) but it is sooooooooooo worth it. that, and the yummy potato salad that comes with it! that was one of the things i most wanted to do over break--go to isaac's with my mommy! and i got to, but it was with my daddy and my brother and my two sisters, too! yay.

anyways, back to today. for some reason, last night i was unbelievably tired at 9:30, so i was asleep by 11:00 thursday night! hmm. anyway, so i woke up by around 8/8:30? really early for break, i know. i've been getting up at 11/12/1-ish all week. anyways, so i got up early and i had my morning prayer and i watched some ncis. since i've really been loving the name Olive (nicknamed Liv) a lot lately, i tried to figure out what i would name my daughter if i named her Olive (both first and middle names), and i finally came up with two possibilities: Olive Juliet (i love the shakespearean reference) and olive lucia (i've loved lucia so much, and i really wanted to get it onto my 10 favorite name combinations! i think i might have found it, finally!). then my daddy made me mini bean burritos, which are soooooo yummy, and i watched more ncis! at about 1:45, i left home to go pick up my sisters from school (they're not on break), and we made a stop at rita's ice (they were giving away a free italian ice to each person that came to their store today, since it is the first day of spring, and then if you wanted a gelati, you only had to pay a dollar. great deal, and it made me happy!). so i bought my two sisters a gelati each (they both wanted cotton candy... it looked kinda gross to me. i got georgia peach!!! it was yummy!), and then we went and picked up my grandmother! she lives about ten miles away from us, and she's been battling cancer and a lot of health ailments lately, so we rarely see her, and she doesn't really come to church anymore, so we all missed her. but she ate at our house and watched me open my birthday presents. it was nice to see her again. i got to see my two little second cousins, too! lexi is five, and emma is like, two or three months old. :) they're such cutie pies! anyways... i digress.

so just before we ate supper, my stomach started KILLING me, so my whole family had to eat without me! it was a disaster. well, kind of. but it was annoying, lol. so i told them to start their desserts without me. we had vegetarian meatloaf (yummy!), mashed potatoes, broccoli, and celery sticks with peanut butter!!!!!!!!! so good. then for dessert, i got to have fresh made chocolate chip cookies and a milkshake my brother made for me! it was so good.

then we went to open my presents. not at all what i expected. although, i wasn't really just DYING to get any specific present, so it was all good. the things i most wanted, i got (except for two things--i always get an itunes gift card, which i really could have used, and i wanted this movie called fireproof... it's really awesome. anyway, maybe i can get it later...). i got hogan's heroes season three (i love that show!), and an album from adventures in odyssey, my favorite radio drama, and i got some cool clothes, and a cool scarf and an autographed Sanctus Real (my favorite band!!!!!!!!!!!) CD ("Say It Loud") from the concert i went to last Sabbath night. not only that... in passing, i mentioned to my mom that it might be nice to have a new camera, because the one i had took REALLY bad pictures at concerts, and i wished i could get better pictures! i thought she was half asleep when i told her! but, then when i opened my presents tonight, surprise!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine that, a brand new digital camera, and it's pretty, too!!!!!!!!!! (it's this cranberry/mulberry color, which i love, after purple and green and maybe yellow and pink... anyway, it's one of my favorite colors, lol...)

anyway, i'm sleepy, so i'm going to call it a night.

it doesn't really matter to me that i've turned 21, except for the fact that i have more legal rights. i won't be out drinking alcohol anyway, so that's not a big deal to me. what other perks does being 21 bring? i sure don't know. i don't really care, either. lol. the things i care about--God, loving people, being able to read and write, listening to music and watching awesome tv shows and movies... i've always been able to do those things.

anyway, toodles for this week.
happy living!

ash

i need africa more than africa needs me...

i know i've talked about mocha club a couple times on this blog, but this time i want to talk about them a little bit longer. they started this, well, i guess it's a campaign, using the slogan "i need africa more than africa needs me," and, as soon as i heard it, i was so psyched to get involved with it. it's taken me a while to get to the place where i can blog about it, but i'm finally here.

i need africa more than africa needs me. i really do mean that, with all of my heart. there is a breathless desire, a RAW NEED to change the world. if i lived my whole life and just went to school and went to work and got married and had a family and walked around this world, day in and day out, never doing anything to make life here more bearable and hopeful on this earth, then i think i would die. i had all these dreams about changing the world for years now, and i haven't had a clue how to change the world, to build hope, to cause more laughter and more smiles. but then, when i went to the sanctus real concert a couple months ago in september, sammy a. was telling us all about how we could LITERALLY CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! not figuratively or in a small way, but to save people's lives. that was amazing to me. so i got behind mocha club. but that is not the only reason i need africa.

when i see africa in the news or in movies or tv shows like 24 redemption and some of the episodes of ER, it reminds me of people. people who have hurt and cried and died and that need my help. God has granted me gifts for a reason, and seeing these people reminds me to love. wherever i am. because all people want to be loved.

you can get involved, too... it's only seven dollars a month, and how much is that? not very much at all! you aren't giving up very much... just two mochas a month, or going to the movies a time or two a month, or maybe a book, or eating out instead of packing a lunch... that's all it takes. and you're saving lives. if you join mocha club, you'll get a pretty cool tee-shirt for free, too. think about it. pray about it. and do it. please.



When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. “I am needed here,” I think. “They have so little, and I have so much.” It’s true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in the people. It’s a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day. [read more]

top 10 things

hello, everybody... :)

tomorrow, i start school again... i feel like i'm so behind everybody else! anywho, tomorrow i'll probably have some stories to tell, but, for today, i feel like doing something i saw a bunch of other people doing on the internet--posting a "top 10 favorites" list--on myspace, their blog, whatever. so i'm gonna do it, too.

10. what women want





























9. working at taco bell
















8. 2008 beijing olympics


































7. two weeks notice































6. laughing















5. getting ready for school
















4. writing novels--especially about beautiful characters














3. Sanctus Real

















2. the mikucki brothers (i feel inclined to say
that these two boys aren't the mikucki brothers...
at least, not the ones i'm talking about. :) i just
don't have a picture of joe and geoffrey... :])

























1. God's love and mercy.















that's all, folks. i wanna watch a movie before i go to bed. toodles... :P

until later,
ash

disgruntled customer

i work at taco bell, this summer. it's not my dream job, but i have friends there, and it's kinda fun, and, well, let's face it. it gets me money to go back to college. :)

anyway, today, i was working, and it wasn't my best day... probably because two of my closest friends at work left for vacation for a week or two, and i'm really bummed that i won't see them for a while. anyways... this lady came into taco bell... well, it's a taco bell/long john silver's. anyway, so she was waiting for her order, and it was a take-out order, which takes longer to make, cuz you gotta be more careful. anyway, she wanted a quesadilla, which takes longer to make, and there were like, a bazillion customers. like, those little screens in the back that tell you which orders to make... there were like, three pages of orders... just for people who were dining in. excluding the drivethrough. ha. so, this lady was somewhere in the middle, and, psht, it was just a regular order i guess. i don't remember much about the order itself. and we were understaffed, so it was just me and one of my bosses. so she's waiting with her arms crossed, and i finally have her order in the take-out bag, and i call out her number, and she takes the bag from me. i'm about to ask her if she wants any sauces, but then, before i can say anything, she starts... well, it's not really screaming, but i call it screaming, because her heart's screaming, even if her mouth isn't. and she is like, "Hhhhh!!!! I knew I should have gone through drive-through! Eleven people..." Side note, it might have been THREE people... "have gone through drive through by the time I got my order, and all these other people got their orders before me, and they ordered AFTER me..." and she kept going on and on and on and on, and i was like, "i'm sorry... what else can i say to you? how can i make it up? i wish i could. you may not think so, but for some reason, i want to bless your heart, lady, but i don't even know your name or why you're yelling at me." so we just kept apologizing, and she just kept yelling. anyway. that's my exciting story so far.

then tonight, i was playing some stupid game on my family's computer, and listening to switchfoot and sanctus real, with the lights turned off and wishing i had something to do that i could do to change the world, but i didn't know what. i wanted to write for one of my stories, but i didn't have anywhere quiet to go. so i just sat and listened, and i remembered this lady.

i'm not quite sure why, but every time i go to a store, i want to be the pleasant, cheerful sunshine in that person's day at that store, or restaurant, or wherever. i guess i don't want to be like that lady--i want to be a shining light. like Jesus. i can't help but wonder, tonight, if that lady has Jesus, just like i wonder if 99% of my coworkers have Jesus, just like i wonder why so much of the world doesn't have Jesus.

i wish i could show them what they're missing. i've been thinking, lately, that a revolution begins with love--either love, or something fake that looks a lot like love would look. and i want to start a revolution with Jesus' love, but how do you make love shout? sometimes i feel like my love doesn't even whisper--it just meekly fingerspells my heart, hoping the world will see. does love shout more? or is it just me?

i'm a rockstar...

i just finished watching the disney channel movie "camp rock" for (mostly) the second time. wow... i'm a sucker for disney channel movies... i dunno why. it's just... they make life so innocent and beautiful and the way things are supposed to be. people are good, parents are friends, and somehow, the main characters find true love in the end. the only thing that is missing is that the kids in those movies never find Jesus, cuz disney channel executives don't see that as a pressing factor. too bad they don't see things from where i am. haha.

have you ever wanted to change the world? ... wow... SIGN ME UP!!!! for some reason, i have always wanted to turn the world upside down. even when i was this insecure little kid with no friends to my name, i still wanted to do something big.

i remember when i was little, i was in church, and i usually didn't listen to the pastor, cuz i thought he was boring (after all, i was about ten), but my mom said i had to start paying attention to the sermons, so i was listening this one day, and my pastor was preaching about this guy named enoch. the deal with enoch was that he lived for 65 years, and then his wife gave birth to his first son, and he walked with God for 300 years (cuz back then you didn't die as young as we do these days...), and then, one day, he just disappeared. and no, he didn't die on some obscure mountain. he disappeared, but he never died. he just went to heaven, and he was no more on earth, cuz he was just so close to God that God couldn't keep him on earth anymore. i always thought it was SO COOL that enoch never died. he's still alive today!!! how cool is that? that day, when i heard my pastor preaching about him, and how he got a whole verse or two, instead of just one line, i was like, i want to be different from everybody else. different like enoch.

then i see movies like camp rock, where kids younger than i am now are writing these really cool songs and getting recognized and have this power to speak up and make a difference, and i know the kids are fictional, but the opportunity to transform the world--that is NOT fake!

and... well, it makes me feel a little sheepish, but... how cool would it be to be a rockstar, not just to meet so many people and to feel so loved, but also to have that power--that precious power to reach out and touch people's lives and show them what living is all about?

wow... those kinda dreams make me kinda dizzy... even though i'm lying down... :]