today i lost a very good friend.
her name was bree.
and she was amazing.
and now she's gone.
so please, please pray for me.
i've been crying for almost an hour straight through. :*(
i know i'll make it through, but i'll miss bree and everything we shared together. :*(
anyway, i just came on to ask you guys to pray for me! :)
have a lovely evening, y'all! :)
until next time,
ash the (devastated) dreamer
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
11 November 2009
20 June 2009
my favoritest little girls... :)
Delaney. That's my favoritest little girl's name. :) She's so adorable. She melts my heart every time I see her... I love her little sister--Kylie--too... Laney and Kylie. I hope their parents don't mind that I love them almost as much as they do. :)
So I actually have a story today... well, I'm going to try to form it into a story, anyway. :)
I was at camp meeting today--it's like this huge gathering of the Christians in my denomination for a week and a half, and we camp out, hear great preaching, have picnics, and enjoy the time off from the world to kick back with each other and God.
This year, I wasn't anticipating it as much as other years, because this was the first camp meeting since I'd met Laney and Kylie, and I didn't think they'd be there. Surprise! They were there today. :) Kylie, who's about two and a half, now, I think, surprised me in the bathroom, and I hung out with her while the lady taking care of her went toily--:). We spun around in circles and I threw her in the air, getting that precious smile out of her. :) She had to leave again, though, so I was really looking forward to seeing Laney a little later, after church was over.
I wasn't disappointed. When I went to the back of the gymnasium (it's held on a school campus) to get a bulletin, Laney spotted me, and the pure look of glee on her face overwhelmed me. :) I couldn't help smiling. "Hi, Laney!" I whispered and waved, and kept going. I knew I would talk to her later. :)
After church, I got to take her to her car--which I do a lot. :) When she saw me, she ran to me and I lifted her into my arms--I'm finding that little girls in my arms is one of the most precious cargoes I could carry ever. :) We talked as we jostled through the crowd, and she was holding my umbrella when we got outside... The way she looked at me with such an innocent face, her face all lit up in the joy of the moment, and proclaimed, "It's not rainin'!" :)))) My heart is taken. lol. :)
But I was just thinking... Laney and Kylie love people so easily... so it's easy for them to love my sisters and me. And Jesus loves us all first... and He calls us to come to Him as little children--why aren't we as eager to come to Jesus as Laney and Kylie are eager to come to my sisters Leah, Becca, and me? I don't know the answer to that--we all have our different answers.
But lately I've been working on not having to answer that question--because I will greet Jesus like Laney and Kylie greet me. That would be wonderful. I pray that I will do that one day very soon. :) I hope you do, too. :)
Happy weekend!
Ash the (loved) Dreamer
:)
So I actually have a story today... well, I'm going to try to form it into a story, anyway. :)
I was at camp meeting today--it's like this huge gathering of the Christians in my denomination for a week and a half, and we camp out, hear great preaching, have picnics, and enjoy the time off from the world to kick back with each other and God.
This year, I wasn't anticipating it as much as other years, because this was the first camp meeting since I'd met Laney and Kylie, and I didn't think they'd be there. Surprise! They were there today. :) Kylie, who's about two and a half, now, I think, surprised me in the bathroom, and I hung out with her while the lady taking care of her went toily--:). We spun around in circles and I threw her in the air, getting that precious smile out of her. :) She had to leave again, though, so I was really looking forward to seeing Laney a little later, after church was over.
I wasn't disappointed. When I went to the back of the gymnasium (it's held on a school campus) to get a bulletin, Laney spotted me, and the pure look of glee on her face overwhelmed me. :) I couldn't help smiling. "Hi, Laney!" I whispered and waved, and kept going. I knew I would talk to her later. :)
After church, I got to take her to her car--which I do a lot. :) When she saw me, she ran to me and I lifted her into my arms--I'm finding that little girls in my arms is one of the most precious cargoes I could carry ever. :) We talked as we jostled through the crowd, and she was holding my umbrella when we got outside... The way she looked at me with such an innocent face, her face all lit up in the joy of the moment, and proclaimed, "It's not rainin'!" :)))) My heart is taken. lol. :)
But I was just thinking... Laney and Kylie love people so easily... so it's easy for them to love my sisters and me. And Jesus loves us all first... and He calls us to come to Him as little children--why aren't we as eager to come to Jesus as Laney and Kylie are eager to come to my sisters Leah, Becca, and me? I don't know the answer to that--we all have our different answers.
But lately I've been working on not having to answer that question--because I will greet Jesus like Laney and Kylie greet me. That would be wonderful. I pray that I will do that one day very soon. :) I hope you do, too. :)
Happy weekend!
Ash the (loved) Dreamer
:)
14 April 2009
Dear God...
Dear God,
I know this isn't the conventional sort of blog, but people should learn to expect that right now. I just need to get away and pray, and if people actually do read this, then I'm guessing that they will need to get away and pray, too! So I hope this is a reminder to them how much relationships with You matter.
Precious, precious Lord, STOP ME FROM THE CRASH COURSE I AM HEADED INTO! I mean this with all of my heart, and it is driving me crazy that I won't let myself give into Your way. All these crazy things are going on in my head, and I think I'm either about to drive myself CRAZY enough that I will do something I'll regret. And NOBODY needs that. Or, I'll just collapse because I've tried so hard to do it on my own.
Why are we so eager to try and fix things ourselves?
Jesus, half of the people that read this blog won't understand what I'm talking about for some of these things, but I know You do.
Jesus, I know You have called me to write this story about Eliza and Noah and all the others, but I'm reading WAY too much into the details of it all, and now I really REALLY don't know what I'm doing! Thank You for a few breakthroughs in the story--Lulu and Bristol are perfect additions to the cast, and the idea of James using his middle name when he gives his life over to You again--Jesus, that's ingenious and I love it. And Jesus, I thought I loved Arianne, and sometimes I think I still do, and I used to love the nn Ari, but now I don't even know anymore. I've had so many problems with that name... not really because I believe that it's the name I want instead of the name You want, but because I've been trying to force things and I've been trying to GO. MY. OWN. WAY. And that is not Your way. THAT is the heart of the problem. Maybe your plan is for me to use Arianne. Maybe your plan is for me to use Elena. Maybe Your plan is for me to keep Cara or Amelia. I don't know. But I don't want to move forward until I am walking in Your will, because everything else is throwing me off balance! And then I keep trying to push it and push it, and it's NOT working.
Jesus, help me to stop thinking about it. Help my mind to just rest in You and know that You are in control of the story about Eliza and Noah and the band Amelia and the whole story. You birthed that story a long time ago, and I know You have a magnificent plan for it, a plan to change the world. Now everybody on PC wants to read it, but I need to get right with You before I can move forward and share this gift with the world. You and me first. THEN everybody else!
And Jesus, then there's history. I've put it off too long, and I know I need to get it done, but it takes TOO MUCH TIME, and all I want to do is have a Sabbath again, since I missed it last weekend. :*( I'm sorry about that, too, Jesus. You deserve better than what I worshiped. :*(
Lord, help me to do my best for You. Help me to stop fixating on these things that don't even matter, and help me to LOVE You and WORSHIP You, and put You on the pedestal, and then everything will come.
Jesus, help me to stop fixing things. Help me to stop going crazy. I need Your peace in my life... Before I go CRAZY!
Jesus, I know You are with me, and I'm so grateful that You have heard my prayer. Guide me as I do my homework tonight, heal my wounds from falling so much, and teach me to put You first, not anything else. Amen.
(Sorry, y'all, if you didn't want to hear my prayer life... but it's something that has been really bothering me lately, and I figured it was something the whole world needs to deal with, too!)
Till next time,
Ash the (Wounded) Dreamer
I know this isn't the conventional sort of blog, but people should learn to expect that right now. I just need to get away and pray, and if people actually do read this, then I'm guessing that they will need to get away and pray, too! So I hope this is a reminder to them how much relationships with You matter.
Precious, precious Lord, STOP ME FROM THE CRASH COURSE I AM HEADED INTO! I mean this with all of my heart, and it is driving me crazy that I won't let myself give into Your way. All these crazy things are going on in my head, and I think I'm either about to drive myself CRAZY enough that I will do something I'll regret. And NOBODY needs that. Or, I'll just collapse because I've tried so hard to do it on my own.
Why are we so eager to try and fix things ourselves?
Jesus, half of the people that read this blog won't understand what I'm talking about for some of these things, but I know You do.
Jesus, I know You have called me to write this story about Eliza and Noah and all the others, but I'm reading WAY too much into the details of it all, and now I really REALLY don't know what I'm doing! Thank You for a few breakthroughs in the story--Lulu and Bristol are perfect additions to the cast, and the idea of James using his middle name when he gives his life over to You again--Jesus, that's ingenious and I love it. And Jesus, I thought I loved Arianne, and sometimes I think I still do, and I used to love the nn Ari, but now I don't even know anymore. I've had so many problems with that name... not really because I believe that it's the name I want instead of the name You want, but because I've been trying to force things and I've been trying to GO. MY. OWN. WAY. And that is not Your way. THAT is the heart of the problem. Maybe your plan is for me to use Arianne. Maybe your plan is for me to use Elena. Maybe Your plan is for me to keep Cara or Amelia. I don't know. But I don't want to move forward until I am walking in Your will, because everything else is throwing me off balance! And then I keep trying to push it and push it, and it's NOT working.
Jesus, help me to stop thinking about it. Help my mind to just rest in You and know that You are in control of the story about Eliza and Noah and the band Amelia and the whole story. You birthed that story a long time ago, and I know You have a magnificent plan for it, a plan to change the world. Now everybody on PC wants to read it, but I need to get right with You before I can move forward and share this gift with the world. You and me first. THEN everybody else!
And Jesus, then there's history. I've put it off too long, and I know I need to get it done, but it takes TOO MUCH TIME, and all I want to do is have a Sabbath again, since I missed it last weekend. :*( I'm sorry about that, too, Jesus. You deserve better than what I worshiped. :*(
Lord, help me to do my best for You. Help me to stop fixating on these things that don't even matter, and help me to LOVE You and WORSHIP You, and put You on the pedestal, and then everything will come.
Jesus, help me to stop fixing things. Help me to stop going crazy. I need Your peace in my life... Before I go CRAZY!
Jesus, I know You are with me, and I'm so grateful that You have heard my prayer. Guide me as I do my homework tonight, heal my wounds from falling so much, and teach me to put You first, not anything else. Amen.
(Sorry, y'all, if you didn't want to hear my prayer life... but it's something that has been really bothering me lately, and I figured it was something the whole world needs to deal with, too!)
Till next time,
Ash the (Wounded) Dreamer
27 March 2009
Ruts and Revolutions
Hello! I am twenty one years, one week, 18 hours, and 48 minutes old now. :) I might actually have something to say on this weekly Friday blog! :) Shocking, I know.
Nothing has really changed in my life... I still have humongous amounts of psychology assignments, projects, tests, and quizzes due every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I still miss Pennsylvania enormously, and I still am in love with orange juice (yes, it's true...), and I still want to pray with Sanctus Real and Addison Road more than almost anything else... But... my heart has changed.
I had been in a rut lately. I don't like to talk about ruts, because that means I let myself get into a rut. And if I let myself get into a rut, well, then, the dreamer inside of me that begs to live life to its fullest every day has sorely been lacking in making the dreams come true! Anyway, so, there is just something about this school I go to that makes me get into ruts like that. :*( It's very sad. Which is why I will probably go to school in Pennsylvania next year! (That makes me very excited. I miss my beautiful state, and all the beautiful people in it that I love so dearly.)
Anyway, back to the rut. My biggest dream (no matter what else I say, this really is my biggest dream) is to have a purpose, and I want my purpose to impact the world dynamically for Jesus. To strive for a goal, and, at the end of my life, look back and know that my life wasn't just going to kindergarten, and then elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then college, and then getting married, and having the socially expected two children (I want tons more, and I want to adopt, like, five), go to work every day, wear myself thin and, when I'm old and graying, wonder what it all was for. There is a greater purpose, and I. WILL. LIVE. IT!!!!!!!! I have always felt that way. :)
At the beginning of this week (and during most of spring break), I was feeling that my life wasn't leading anywhere, and, no matter what field I went into, I was still going to be in that rut, and my life wasn't worth anything, and it wasn't pursuing any purpose. This was my rut.
I hate ruts.
Anyway, so I was praying a lot during this week, trying to pray myself out of my rut (I do that a lot... and it usually works! Imagin that!)), and not only did it bring me closer to God, but in this moment, I feel the purpose and passion returning. I love it that I serve a God that has known my heart before it was even created, and I love it that He made my heart to pump and pulse for a purpose, and that He created that purpose, just to satisfy those desires! I love it that I'm not an ordinary person, that I can--and do--live above the norm, and that I don't have to be another statistic. I can single-handedly begin the revolution for love and people's hearts, because Jesus has put that passion in me, and He gives me power because the Holy Spirit is upon us... It takes my breath away that God gives me this passion and this pursuit, just so I can desire and chase His crazy-thought-out dream for me, and then I live it, and it is perfectly how God Almighty meant for it to be!
One day, down the future after I've been trained by Almighty God to the point where I am ready to go out and change the world in a big way, I will live my dreams, and I will know that this dream was headier and more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. :)))))))))))) Oh, wow, how I long for that day! And the greatest part is, I won't even know it, because I'll be preaching and hugging kids and praying with teens and babysitting for overstressed single moms, and in the middle of it, when I can take a breath and look around me, I just might see the dream I had back when I was in high school and college, and realize that what I do to live this love revolution, it is good. And not only is it good, it is very good. But it's never going to be enough. I can never be too good, because the world will always need to be changed.
And, in the meantime, I can change the world on a small level. Watch Hogan's Heroes with my two little sisters. Hug Laney and eat with her at potluck at church. Greet people as they come to church. Pray for my momma when she has a hard day. Listen to Myla and Ashley when they don't know what to do. That kind of thing. And that's always incredibly fun, too!
While I can't do everything, I can make my mark on history, and I refuse to not be one of those people that the world looks at, and says, "Wow, what kind of young person is that? She isn't an ordinary person."
And they'll be right. Because I'm not just one of the hundreds of Ashleys. I'm Ash. The Dreamer. And I'm going to change the world! :))))))))))
Till next Friday,
Ashley
Nothing has really changed in my life... I still have humongous amounts of psychology assignments, projects, tests, and quizzes due every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I still miss Pennsylvania enormously, and I still am in love with orange juice (yes, it's true...), and I still want to pray with Sanctus Real and Addison Road more than almost anything else... But... my heart has changed.
I had been in a rut lately. I don't like to talk about ruts, because that means I let myself get into a rut. And if I let myself get into a rut, well, then, the dreamer inside of me that begs to live life to its fullest every day has sorely been lacking in making the dreams come true! Anyway, so, there is just something about this school I go to that makes me get into ruts like that. :*( It's very sad. Which is why I will probably go to school in Pennsylvania next year! (That makes me very excited. I miss my beautiful state, and all the beautiful people in it that I love so dearly.)
Anyway, back to the rut. My biggest dream (no matter what else I say, this really is my biggest dream) is to have a purpose, and I want my purpose to impact the world dynamically for Jesus. To strive for a goal, and, at the end of my life, look back and know that my life wasn't just going to kindergarten, and then elementary school, and then middle school, and then high school, and then college, and then getting married, and having the socially expected two children (I want tons more, and I want to adopt, like, five), go to work every day, wear myself thin and, when I'm old and graying, wonder what it all was for. There is a greater purpose, and I. WILL. LIVE. IT!!!!!!!! I have always felt that way. :)
At the beginning of this week (and during most of spring break), I was feeling that my life wasn't leading anywhere, and, no matter what field I went into, I was still going to be in that rut, and my life wasn't worth anything, and it wasn't pursuing any purpose. This was my rut.
I hate ruts.
Anyway, so I was praying a lot during this week, trying to pray myself out of my rut (I do that a lot... and it usually works! Imagin that!)), and not only did it bring me closer to God, but in this moment, I feel the purpose and passion returning. I love it that I serve a God that has known my heart before it was even created, and I love it that He made my heart to pump and pulse for a purpose, and that He created that purpose, just to satisfy those desires! I love it that I'm not an ordinary person, that I can--and do--live above the norm, and that I don't have to be another statistic. I can single-handedly begin the revolution for love and people's hearts, because Jesus has put that passion in me, and He gives me power because the Holy Spirit is upon us... It takes my breath away that God gives me this passion and this pursuit, just so I can desire and chase His crazy-thought-out dream for me, and then I live it, and it is perfectly how God Almighty meant for it to be!
One day, down the future after I've been trained by Almighty God to the point where I am ready to go out and change the world in a big way, I will live my dreams, and I will know that this dream was headier and more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. :)))))))))))) Oh, wow, how I long for that day! And the greatest part is, I won't even know it, because I'll be preaching and hugging kids and praying with teens and babysitting for overstressed single moms, and in the middle of it, when I can take a breath and look around me, I just might see the dream I had back when I was in high school and college, and realize that what I do to live this love revolution, it is good. And not only is it good, it is very good. But it's never going to be enough. I can never be too good, because the world will always need to be changed.
And, in the meantime, I can change the world on a small level. Watch Hogan's Heroes with my two little sisters. Hug Laney and eat with her at potluck at church. Greet people as they come to church. Pray for my momma when she has a hard day. Listen to Myla and Ashley when they don't know what to do. That kind of thing. And that's always incredibly fun, too!
While I can't do everything, I can make my mark on history, and I refuse to not be one of those people that the world looks at, and says, "Wow, what kind of young person is that? She isn't an ordinary person."
And they'll be right. Because I'm not just one of the hundreds of Ashleys. I'm Ash. The Dreamer. And I'm going to change the world! :))))))))))
Till next Friday,
Ashley
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