Ari and Liliana

Hello!!!!!

I'm so very excited about these two little girls who live in the southern region of the US... Can I tell you their story?

I've changed all the names of the people involved, out of respect for my friend. So I have a friend who lives in the South Carolina/Georgia area of the south, Krista. She has a little girl named Hazel who is positively precious and adorable, who is seven. Krista and her hubby, Danny, recently welcomed twins into the world, Claire and Zavier.

Krista and Danny are really awesome, mission-minded people who really want to help out just about EVERYONE around them. After the twins were born, they decided not to have any more biological children, but while they were still trying to have Claire and Zavier, they had considered adoption... they thought they would be able to adopt this little boy, and had picked out a name for him (Josiah Caleb, but he goes by Caleb). They adoption process was completed just weeks before Claire and Zavier were born. They were excited to have their little family of four.

Then they found out that Caleb had a TWIN BROTHER, and Krista couldn't stand the idea of Caleb and his twin being separated (especially after having twins of her own!), so she and Danny began the process of adopting Caleb's twin, who they named Hudson Jacob.

They were happy, Krista, Danny, Hazel, Caleb, Hudson, Claire, and Zavier, their happy little family. They were content to stay that way. But then there was more news.

When Danny had thought that they would not be able to adopt Caleb, and before they knew about Hudson, he had found out a coworker had a baby girl that he could not take care of, and was desperately looking for someone to adopt her. Danny and his lawyer were working together, seeing if it was even a possibility, without Krista's knowledge.

Then one day, only a little bit after Claire and Zavier had been born, Danny calls Krista from work, crying and hysterical, babbling on about the cops and a baby and a disaster, and that she needed to get there NOW. So Krista hauled her five little ones in their pickup truck down to Danny's work. The place was swarming with an interested crowd, analytical cops, foster care case-workers, and in the midst of it all, Danny was clutching a pitiful, crying baby girl, trying to shield her from the noise, the pain, the world. The cops and caseworkers were trying to take the little baby (no more than a week or so old) away from Danny, and he was crying and wouldn't let her go... Krista climbed out of her truck and made her way through the crowd... to where her husband was.

Krista was confused and even a little angry, about it all... but then she saw the baby. Liliana. She was so beautiful and so perfect, and she just KNEW she had to take in that little baby-girl orphan. So it took a while, but Danny's lawyer showed up and explained that Danny and Krista were in the process of adopting Liliana... and eventually it all died down.

Liliana had to go home to her birth parents that day, but a few days later, Liliana's parents met with Krista and Krista's mom, and that's when Krista found out about Liliana's big sister--Ari.

They met at a fast food restaurant, and when Liliana began to cry, her parents didn't know what to do, so Krista offered to change her diaper. I don't remember all the details, but somehow, while Krista was taking care of Liliana, her parents just LEFT! I can't even imagine that, just leaving my two girls with two total strangers. Just thinking about it makes me crazy-furious.

But because Ari and Liliana had been so malnourished, uncared-for, and even worse, they were hospitalized. This was around January, some time.

Ari just came home from the hospital about a week or two ago.

But that's not all--a few weeks ago, Caleb and Hudson's birth family decided that they wanted the boys back. It was really hard on Krista, Danny, and Hazel. But they decided that it was better for the boys to not be fought over than for the boys to be with them. So Caleb and Hudson are now Micah and Joseph, and are back with their grandparents and their birth momma.

But that's not all.

The pain of not being able to adopt Caleb and Hudson (even after the papers were completely taken care of) drove Krista and Danny to a decision: that they weren't going to adopt at all. Not for now, at least.

I wasn't worried about Caleb and Hudson/Micah and Joseph, because even though their family gave them up for adoption in the first place, it sounds like they will be well cared for. But I WAS scared for Ari and Liliana! I didn't know what would happen to them.

But now Krista's best friend, Christiana, and her hubby, Bryan, are adopting the girls. Ari is now at home with them, and thriving. :) Krista babysits Ari during the day, while Christiana and Bryan are at work, and Liliana is still in the hospital, but getting a little stronger every day.

So now do you know why I am so very excited for Ari and Liliana? Do you know why I'm so excited about ADOPTION?! These precious, innocent little souls are finding hope, love, a future, and every dream they would have ever had if they didn't find a family. And while my soul is horrified for the sadness Krista, Danny, and Hazel have experienced, I am thrilled for the treasure Ari and Liliana have received. Even though Krista and I live states away, she sends me pictures of the girls often, and I can see Ari blossoming. She's so beautiful. And strong. And every time I think about Ari's and Liliana's futures, I can't hope but be hopeful.

Because they have received hope.

And I can only hope that one day, I can give at least one or two little ones the sort of joy and hope and future that Ari and Liliana are receiving. :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Relieved, Hopeful, Joyful, Elated) Dreamer

These Things Take Time

Sorry this quality isn't the best, but I positively ADORE this song right now!!!! :)

Do you know why I love this song?

I love it so very much because it says the most perfect thing. To me, right now, anyway.

I have so many questions, so many raging injustices that I can't believe haven't been fixed, so many hurts, and I am the kind of person that wants things fixed IMMEDIATELY. I get a D+ on my science mid-semester grade? I want to do a million extra credit assignments to get it back up to an "A" IMMEDIATELY. I can't wait. I have a dream to help somebody? Who cares if it's 1:30 in the morning! I want to help them NOW!!!! haha. That's just how I'm wired. So it's really hard for me to live patiently.

I was so outraged this week when I heard that people were rescuing a killer whale that KILLED THREE PEOPLE. And apparently my mom's coworker/friend thought it was no big deal that the killer whale killed THREE HUMANS, but she was about to have a cow at the thought of putting the beast down! And apparently, she values the life of one animal above people, above even orphans or children suffering under the abuse of their crazed parents... I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT. And so I go to do my Bible study, and I pray, and I'm like, "God, FIX THAT NOW!!!!" And a few sheepish seconds later, I add a meek, humble, "Please..."

My emotions are depleted when I think of the YEARS I have spent trying to get out of depression and OCD, and I turn to Jesus and say, with tears in my eyes, "Jesus, PLEASE, heal me NOW!!!!"

When I think of this lady I know, who is getting a divorce, and how her life with her husband and her two adorable little girls is going to be RIPPED apart, and how she is going to have to get a job, and how her little girls (for the sake of privacy, I'll call them Ella and Genevieve) are hardly ever going to see their daddy anymore... Ella is three--almost four! I'm pretty sure she can understand a little of it, anyway, and this is going to crush her. And Genevieve? Genevieve is about 8 months old. She never even got to see the good side of her daddy. It makes me sick. And my friend--I'll call her Anna--acts like nothing is going on. I can understand that she doesn't want to share and if she just wants to mourn inside of herself, for what she is losing, but it sounds like she doesn't even care that she is losing her husband. And it makes me sick. And I'm like, "Jesus, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE do something!!!!"

And today I found out someone DIED at the Olympics during an event for the Luge (Louge? Can you tell I don't watch the Olympics? haha), and he flew over the rail, and, going 90-some miles an hour, he flew into a metal pole and died, instantly, I guess. I almost started crying at my dinner table. And just thinking about it now, I'm like, "Jesus, why aren't you doing anything?!"

And this week, my one friend who I will call Krista... she has a sweet little girl who is seven who I'll call Hazel. She had twins in December--Claire and Zavier--who are just as adorable. She and her amazing hubby, Danny, were in the process of adopting FOUR children. They had already finished the paperwork for the two one-year-old twin little boys--Caleb and Hudson--and they were officially Krista's and Danny's. :) And they were in the process of adopting two precious little girls, Liliana (about three months old), and her big sister, Ari... I was so excited for this amazing family, because I could only IMAGINE growing up in such an amazingly big, loving, sweet Christian family. Caleb's and Hudson's birth family have been saying they want the boys back, though, and they were so tired from fighting over it that they decided that right now they just can't take it, emotionally, adopting ANY of them. So Caleb and Hudson are going back to their birth family (who it sounds like will take good care of them, even though they gave the boys up for adoption at the beginning), and Krista's friend is adopting Liliana and Ari. And Krista is so torn on the inside and she came to me so sad about it all, and I am sickened that these sorts of things actually HAPPEN to children. :/ And I was like, "JESUS WHY is this happening?! DO something!!!!!"

And all these things happen, and these are just a few examples I know of, and I don't understand it. But when I hear this song, I don't hear that Jesus isn't doing anything, but that if I wait on Jesus, everything will be perfect one day.

And today, that's what I need to hear. :)

Anyway, so happy weekend!

:)

Till next time,
Ash the (Weary) Dreamer

Will You Be My Valentine?

:)

Hello!

Valentine's Day was never my big thing. I never saw the point in giving valentines cards, because nobody really wanted to give them to me in elementary school, and I didn't have an abundance of friends to ask if they would be my valentine.

That, and my parents wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen, so I didn't even try to care about it.

Nearly six years after the day I was officially allowed to date, and I still haven't had one, so I guess I just don't see the hype.

I love the idea of falling in love and having a special someone. :) But I'm okay if I don't.

So dear readers of my blog, even if you're completely in love and about to get married, or if you're about to be wallowing in your own self pity, will you be my treasured friend on February 14? I'll make you smile and we will laugh and be happy to be alive, and it will be a good day. :)

Life hasn't felt very good lately, I have to admit.

I know I told you to keep me joyful, and I am joyful, but sometimes life doesn't feel that way. Does that make any sense?

I just got an email from a dear friend. She said that tonight there was a shoot out in her old high school. Officials think it's gang-related. That makes me so sad.

Depression and OCD have tried to ruin my life, and that makes me very confused and sad and mad and angry and weary.

My best friend in the whole world (besides Jesus), my little sister, Becca, isn't here. If I asked her to be my valentine, I think she would laugh at me and say I was ridiculous. :) I love my little sister, haha. And it makes me sad that she's not here right now.

Another friend of mine--one of her best friends and former neighbors suddenly died last week, without any rhyme or reason, just keeled over and died, leaving behind her loving husband and two children. That makes me sad.

My friend's husband lost his job recently, and they are left trying to care for SEVEN children, four of which are either adopted or are being adopted right now, two of which are in the hospital because their parents didn't know how to take care of them before they gave them up for adoption.

I just saw a video about adoption tonight, and it positively made me quiver on the inside. I wanted to go raid every orphanage in the whole world and say, "Dearies, come live with me... I will show you love and be your mommy." That made me really sad.

And I think of churches that are closing, and wives that are being abused, and soldiers that are dying without the respect of their nations, and girls who are raped and couples who are getting divorced for no reason other than because they are bored with their marriages and how God is disrespected and love is not honored and people commit suicide and life has become weary for some people, and it makes me really sad.

It doesn't seem like all this should be happening only days from the day that the whole world recognizes as a day of love and joy. I never really understood the hype for Valentine's day, but now I think we need it, even if it's just to see a bit of hope and joy again.

So, today, I want Someone who can actually do something about the pain in this world and the pain in my heart. This year, I want JESUS to be my Valentine, because I KNOW He can take my pain and turn it to joy. :)



So, happy valentine's day, friend. :) And wherever you are, may you find love and joy and hope. :)

Until next time,
Ash the (Loved) Dreamer

joy.

hello, everybody!

happy weekend. :)

i'm sick today. i've actually been sick most of the week. i thought i was going to pass out earlier tonight, before supper. it was actually kind of bad. at one point, i thought i had strep throat, too. i guess you should know that i hate being sick. :)

tonight for our family worship, though, as i was trying to ignore the stomach and head pains, and the way my ears throb and how my throat feels like wallpaper... we were watching this amazing preacher whose name is walter pearson.

that man makes me love african american preachers! hehe. :)

anyway, i started seeing the message a little after it was started, so i missed what Bible story he was tying his message into. but he was talking about how needy guys and girls can be when it comes to finding their "perfect soulmate". haha. it's true. the lengths people go for love and for actually finding it, and rejecting it when they thought they had it when they really didn't... it's crazy. i guess that's a perk to never going on a date. i've watched tons of people do crazy, stupid, demeaning things all for the acceptance they seek for in "love". i hope that means i'll know better when it's my turn, but i'm pretty sure i won't have it all figured out, lol.

anyway, he was talking about how nobody wants to date a needy person, and how you need to find Jesus before you can even try to invest in a relationship, and i was soooo glad i got to listen to his message.

and then he said this line that really hit me. he said something about how the most beautiful aspect of a girl's character that draws a guy to her more than anything else was if she has joy enough to spill over into his life.

i was so struck by that.

besides living out my dreams, one of the biggest values i have is joy, and i have always dreamed of living out my life with abundant joy.

this isn't because i actually want a perfect guy--i really do, but it seems moronically, idiotically DUMB to try to find joy just to find a guy. haha. i don't want to do that.

but it reminded me of how much i really want joy in my life, how much i want joy to overflow from my heart, and how i want to bring joy to everyone. when i talk about Jesus, when i talk about changing the world, when i hope, when i plan my Jesus' revolution, this is what i want--to spread joy. if it means i get a perfect guy with a perfect name and a perfect heart, i would be oh-so-extremely-happy. but that's not why i want this.

i want to be joyful for you, dear friends that read my blog. i want to be joyful for buddy and becca and lea, my amazing three siblings. i want to be joyful for my mommy and daddy, who work so very hard for my joy. i want to be joyful for my coworkers, who don't even know what joy is. i want to be joyful for my friends on parentsconnect, who sometimes forget what joy is. i want to be joyful so my fellow students at kutztown university, my depressing school, can see Jesus inside of me. i want to be joyful so that my future husband will be joyful with me, all the time. i want to be joyful so that my future children will live a life of joy. i want to be joyful so my aging grandmothers have hope for the future of this world. i want to be joyful so that everyone i will contact in the future will find hope in a Christian, so that they will know life, so that they can share my joy. i want to be joyful so that my church members can be joyful with me and turn the world upside down with me. i want to be joyful so that cynics can have hope, so that hopeful people keep their hope, so that orphans stay strong, so that the military has faith in the cause they fight for, so that single moms stay strong, so everyone knows love and hope and the Way. but most of all, i want to be joyful so that Jesus can be proud of me, so that i know i have His Way in my heart, and that i can do all that He has called me to do.

I've always loved this passage of the Bible, probably because I value joy so much...

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4, NASB)

anyway, so since i know people actually read my blog now (haha), if you read this and you read a blog when i am not joyful, can you please remind me of this promise? between me, and you, and God, and all the people. i want to be joyful. and i want you to share in my joy. :)

and to increase our joy, here's a little something to brighten your day (at least, i hope it does!):



till next time,
ash the (hopeful) dreamer

pray for me...

today i lost a very good friend.

her name was bree.

and she was amazing.

and now she's gone.

so please, please pray for me.

i've been crying for almost an hour straight through. :*(

i know i'll make it through, but i'll miss bree and everything we shared together. :*(

anyway, i just came on to ask you guys to pray for me! :)

have a lovely evening, y'all! :)

until next time,
ash the (devastated) dreamer

so, i'm back at my private college in the midwest, and i never thought it would be this different!!!!!!!!!! i can't believe it. i figured i'd keep you up-to-date, though, so here's my update.

my friends are awesome. i can't believe i have gone this long without seeing them. they're gonna kill me if i become a task force dean next school year. haha. oh, yeah. i'm trying to be a task force dean at my old boarding academy. hope that works. we'll see. i just got internet today, and i'm pretty psyched about that. i just found out i have no quarters or laundry detergent for doing laundry, and i'm not too psyched about that. i can't find my new pjs that i got for Christmas, and i am not too psyched about that, either. i am pretty psyched that i've been talkin to some people about baby names, lately, though. can't believe how addicting that is. maybe they should have another na (is there a narcotics anonymous? there should be a names anonymous. man, i need help, lol).

i have three psych classes, a history class, a badminton class (which i'm totally psyched for... i LOVE playing badminton, and i haven't gotten to since, like, eighth grade), and a Bible class (which i'm pretty psyched for, too!). mainly, i'm psyched to be alive, and psyched that i'm around all these people that are crazy about me, and i don't even know why!!!!!!! haha. i guess i really am loved. can't wait to meet sanctus real again... i'm planning on that for my spring break (hopefully, anyway!!!!!). i'm planning something, but i want it to be a surprise! so i'll tell you all about it later.

i think i should apply for scholarships here. that way, i can get more money, so i'll have money to go to the sanctus real concert over break. that'll be awesome. i talked to my mom today, and she's gonna send me a care package... already! YAY!!!!!! i can't wait. cookies and pudding and nutella and pop-tarts and string cheese and apple cider!!!!!!!!!! my favorite-est things in the whole world! :) (well, besides people and things about Jesus and the Bible and writing, of course, lol)

well, i'm getting tired, and i have a crazy load of classes tomorrow, so i'll talk to you guys later... :)

love,
ash