hello, everybody!
happy weekend. :)
i'm sick today. i've actually been sick most of the week. i thought i was going to pass out earlier tonight, before supper. it was actually kind of bad. at one point, i thought i had strep throat, too. i guess you should know that i hate being sick. :)
tonight for our family worship, though, as i was trying to ignore the stomach and head pains, and the way my ears throb and how my throat feels like wallpaper... we were watching this amazing preacher whose name is walter pearson.
that man makes me love african american preachers! hehe. :)
anyway, i started seeing the message a little after it was started, so i missed what Bible story he was tying his message into. but he was talking about how needy guys and girls can be when it comes to finding their "perfect soulmate". haha. it's true. the lengths people go for love and for actually finding it, and rejecting it when they thought they had it when they really didn't... it's crazy. i guess that's a perk to never going on a date. i've watched tons of people do crazy, stupid, demeaning things all for the acceptance they seek for in "love". i hope that means i'll know better when it's my turn, but i'm pretty sure i won't have it all figured out, lol.
anyway, he was talking about how nobody wants to date a needy person, and how you need to find Jesus before you can even try to invest in a relationship, and i was soooo glad i got to listen to his message.
and then he said this line that really hit me. he said something about how the most beautiful aspect of a girl's character that draws a guy to her more than anything else was if she has joy enough to spill over into his life.
i was so struck by that.
besides living out my dreams, one of the biggest values i have is joy, and i have always dreamed of living out my life with abundant joy.
this isn't because i actually want a perfect guy--i really do, but it seems moronically, idiotically DUMB to try to find joy just to find a guy. haha. i don't want to do that.
but it reminded me of how much i really want joy in my life, how much i want joy to overflow from my heart, and how i want to bring joy to everyone. when i talk about Jesus, when i talk about changing the world, when i hope, when i plan my Jesus' revolution, this is what i want--to spread joy. if it means i get a perfect guy with a perfect name and a perfect heart, i would be oh-so-extremely-happy. but that's not why i want this.
i want to be joyful for you, dear friends that read my blog. i want to be joyful for buddy and becca and lea, my amazing three siblings. i want to be joyful for my mommy and daddy, who work so very hard for my joy. i want to be joyful for my coworkers, who don't even know what joy is. i want to be joyful for my friends on parentsconnect, who sometimes forget what joy is. i want to be joyful so my fellow students at kutztown university, my depressing school, can see Jesus inside of me. i want to be joyful so that my future husband will be joyful with me, all the time. i want to be joyful so that my future children will live a life of joy. i want to be joyful so my aging grandmothers have hope for the future of this world. i want to be joyful so that everyone i will contact in the future will find hope in a Christian, so that they will know life, so that they can share my joy. i want to be joyful so that my church members can be joyful with me and turn the world upside down with me. i want to be joyful so that cynics can have hope, so that hopeful people keep their hope, so that orphans stay strong, so that the military has faith in the cause they fight for, so that single moms stay strong, so everyone knows love and hope and the Way. but most of all, i want to be joyful so that Jesus can be proud of me, so that i know i have His Way in my heart, and that i can do all that He has called me to do.
I've always loved this passage of the Bible, probably because I value joy so much...
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4, NASB)
anyway, so since i know people actually read my blog now (haha), if you read this and you read a blog when i am not joyful, can you please remind me of this promise? between me, and you, and God, and all the people. i want to be joyful. and i want you to share in my joy. :)
and to increase our joy, here's a little something to brighten your day (at least, i hope it does!):
till next time,
ash the (hopeful) dreamer
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
29 January 2010
08 January 2010
Hello, Love. &hearts
Hello. :]
I feel like I'm in a very musical mood today. I always love music, but I've been practicing piano A LOT lately (well, the past 48 hours...), because I have been invited to be one of the pianists for the little kid division of my church's Sabbath School class. And tomorrow's my big premiere! :) I'm pretty excited, because the songs are so cute and fun, and I adore those little kids in that class! I know at least three little girls there, and two little boys, and I just can't wait to meet all the others. I LOVE toddlers so much. :]
Anyway, so since I'm in such a musical mood, I figured I would share my self-proclaimed "Song of 2010". :] It's by Britt Nicole, and it's called "The Lost Get Found. I love it so much, and the moment this year started, I knew it would be the theme of my life. :) So I hope you like it.
That's the main exciting thing happening to me.
It feels like my life is starting to come together--I feel like I know what I want to study in school; I'm trying to find a new job and leave the plagues of last year behind (depression and OCD); I know I REALLY want to be a missionary after I graduate... I just feel like I can see God's plan, and I am really excited about that.
Other than that... I've been kinda sick today. :*( I think I might have ate something bad... :*(
Haha, I think this is it this time... no deep thoughts. Just happy Ashley saying hello.
So hello.
Happy day, friend.
Till next time,
Ash the (Musical) Dreamer
I feel like I'm in a very musical mood today. I always love music, but I've been practicing piano A LOT lately (well, the past 48 hours...), because I have been invited to be one of the pianists for the little kid division of my church's Sabbath School class. And tomorrow's my big premiere! :) I'm pretty excited, because the songs are so cute and fun, and I adore those little kids in that class! I know at least three little girls there, and two little boys, and I just can't wait to meet all the others. I LOVE toddlers so much. :]
Anyway, so since I'm in such a musical mood, I figured I would share my self-proclaimed "Song of 2010". :] It's by Britt Nicole, and it's called "The Lost Get Found. I love it so much, and the moment this year started, I knew it would be the theme of my life. :) So I hope you like it.
That's the main exciting thing happening to me.
It feels like my life is starting to come together--I feel like I know what I want to study in school; I'm trying to find a new job and leave the plagues of last year behind (depression and OCD); I know I REALLY want to be a missionary after I graduate... I just feel like I can see God's plan, and I am really excited about that.
Other than that... I've been kinda sick today. :*( I think I might have ate something bad... :*(
Haha, I think this is it this time... no deep thoughts. Just happy Ashley saying hello.
So hello.
Happy day, friend.
Till next time,
Ash the (Musical) Dreamer
09 October 2009
the injustices...
It's dark outside. Here we are again, same place, same time, every week. New song, same heart, same me. I'm listening to Francesca Battistelli's "It's Your Life," and it's just fueling the fire inside of me.
I've been mad about a lot of stuff lately. About the injustices.
Gah, I really would love to strangle somebody or something right now.
I remember someone tweeting (on Twitter) this week about the irony of the fact that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, but the US is bombing the moon to see if it has a reliable water source. I mean, really?! And President Obama is considering sending more troops to Afghanistan. REALLY?! How is that in the spirit of bringing peace? Really, I'm all about breaking the bonds and helping children and women who are oppressed, but after all this time, I think it's time for a little bit of peace. That, and to let the soldiers have a break. After all that they have done.
I saw a picture today of a formation of military soldiers. Standing at attention. With a little girl in a pretty pink dress, clinging to her daddy's hand. I don't know what the military had to say about that, but it tore my heart out. I still want to cry about it.
My old principal from elementary school is going to this leadership conference in Georgia this weekend, and he posted something on facebook about getting involved with helping orphans. I checked out the website (www.143million.org), and it's all about how to help orphans, and yes, there are 143 million orphans in the world.
That makes me SICK.
More than that, it makes me sick that I'm considered too young, too inexperienced, with too unstable of an income with too little money to adopt every single one of them. And adopt them out to families that really, truly would love each and everyone of them.
And it makes me even more sick to think that my mom is too scared of loving an orphan to even consider foster care, and my dad is too angry and focused on his job and worried about finances to be the face of Jesus to just one more child.
It makes me sick that every time I hear about another family having another child, or adopting a kid, or taking in foster children, that I have to sit here blogging about how utterly sick and furious I am, because my hands are tied.
It makes me sick I don't even have $38 a month to sponsor a Compassion International child. It makes me sick that I can barely scrape enough money together to pay off my school bills and send seven dollars to an amazing ministry called Mocha Club.
It makes me sick that I can only be so much of Jesus' hands and feet, while a lot of the rest of Jesus is just sitting there, when they can do so much more than I can do.
I'm just so sick of sitting still, of not doing ANYthing. I'm sick of being satisfied of being here, doing homework, watching TV, working at a Taco Bell that tells me to get people to donate dollars to help starving children in Africa, and when my heart is ripped out by well-off American after well-off American denies dying children who don't even have a chance, then they yell at me for focusing more on the children than on keeping the dining room clean and keeping people happy.
I'm sick of not even loving my major. I'm sick of just dreaming of change. I'm sick of going through the motions. I'm sick of not making a difference. I'm sick of fitting into the "good girl", studious, church-mouse shell of the powerhouse of a person Jesus created me to be!
And more than ANYTHING else, I'm sick of knowing all the things that need to be done, but knowing I don't have ANY resources, and not even knowing where to go! or WHAT to do, or how to go about doing it, and I just get sick inside, day after day, and it just can't keep going on like this.
Maybe I should pack a suitcase or two, fly to a poor European country, apply to work at an orphanage, and read my Bible everyday, and stop watching TV and pretending to care about all these insignificant things.
I don't feel like I was created for this life. I feel like I've been put in the wrong place entirely, and I keep hearing, "Go, go, go!" in my ears, but I don't even know where to go! And now I'm crying, and the world knows it, and still nothing happens.
This world makes me sick.
I can't wait till I get to heaven and all I have to worry about is seeing the approval and the love in Jesus' eyes, and being a friend to every person, and singing praises to Jesus and loving people like my heart was made for. Or maybe I was meant to go on the road with Christian bands and preach Jesus. I don't even know. All I know is that I can't stand this much longer.
Ash the (Despondent) Dreamer
I've been mad about a lot of stuff lately. About the injustices.
Gah, I really would love to strangle somebody or something right now.
I remember someone tweeting (on Twitter) this week about the irony of the fact that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, but the US is bombing the moon to see if it has a reliable water source. I mean, really?! And President Obama is considering sending more troops to Afghanistan. REALLY?! How is that in the spirit of bringing peace? Really, I'm all about breaking the bonds and helping children and women who are oppressed, but after all this time, I think it's time for a little bit of peace. That, and to let the soldiers have a break. After all that they have done.
I saw a picture today of a formation of military soldiers. Standing at attention. With a little girl in a pretty pink dress, clinging to her daddy's hand. I don't know what the military had to say about that, but it tore my heart out. I still want to cry about it.
My old principal from elementary school is going to this leadership conference in Georgia this weekend, and he posted something on facebook about getting involved with helping orphans. I checked out the website (www.143million.org), and it's all about how to help orphans, and yes, there are 143 million orphans in the world.
That makes me SICK.
More than that, it makes me sick that I'm considered too young, too inexperienced, with too unstable of an income with too little money to adopt every single one of them. And adopt them out to families that really, truly would love each and everyone of them.
And it makes me even more sick to think that my mom is too scared of loving an orphan to even consider foster care, and my dad is too angry and focused on his job and worried about finances to be the face of Jesus to just one more child.
It makes me sick that every time I hear about another family having another child, or adopting a kid, or taking in foster children, that I have to sit here blogging about how utterly sick and furious I am, because my hands are tied.
It makes me sick I don't even have $38 a month to sponsor a Compassion International child. It makes me sick that I can barely scrape enough money together to pay off my school bills and send seven dollars to an amazing ministry called Mocha Club.
It makes me sick that I can only be so much of Jesus' hands and feet, while a lot of the rest of Jesus is just sitting there, when they can do so much more than I can do.
I'm just so sick of sitting still, of not doing ANYthing. I'm sick of being satisfied of being here, doing homework, watching TV, working at a Taco Bell that tells me to get people to donate dollars to help starving children in Africa, and when my heart is ripped out by well-off American after well-off American denies dying children who don't even have a chance, then they yell at me for focusing more on the children than on keeping the dining room clean and keeping people happy.
I'm sick of not even loving my major. I'm sick of just dreaming of change. I'm sick of going through the motions. I'm sick of not making a difference. I'm sick of fitting into the "good girl", studious, church-mouse shell of the powerhouse of a person Jesus created me to be!
And more than ANYTHING else, I'm sick of knowing all the things that need to be done, but knowing I don't have ANY resources, and not even knowing where to go! or WHAT to do, or how to go about doing it, and I just get sick inside, day after day, and it just can't keep going on like this.
Maybe I should pack a suitcase or two, fly to a poor European country, apply to work at an orphanage, and read my Bible everyday, and stop watching TV and pretending to care about all these insignificant things.
I don't feel like I was created for this life. I feel like I've been put in the wrong place entirely, and I keep hearing, "Go, go, go!" in my ears, but I don't even know where to go! And now I'm crying, and the world knows it, and still nothing happens.
This world makes me sick.
I can't wait till I get to heaven and all I have to worry about is seeing the approval and the love in Jesus' eyes, and being a friend to every person, and singing praises to Jesus and loving people like my heart was made for. Or maybe I was meant to go on the road with Christian bands and preach Jesus. I don't even know. All I know is that I can't stand this much longer.
Ash the (Despondent) Dreamer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)