Ben

This is my second cousin, Ben! :)

Isn't he adorable?

I got to play with him for a couple hours, and he's so sweet and adorable! :)

I always knew I wanted girls, and I really still do, but after getting to hang out with Ben for a while and see his silliness and how awesome it is to be around little boys as well as little girls... now I want both! haha.

Gah, children are such great gifts from God. :) And I'm pretty excited for the day when I'll be able to have my own children. :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Happy) Dreamer

Joey and Lena

I love little kids.

They're so stinkin' hilarious! :)

I was at church today, and I was helping this grandma babysit her two granddaughters (aka my two favorite little girls in the whole world!), so when there was the children's story in my church (kinda like a children's sermon, ish), I helped take Laney and Kylee up to the front. Laney's Sabbath School teacher was telling the story, so she especially wanted to be there. :) So I stayed while he told the story.

And this story was basically about John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life..."

Anyway, so instead of writing "For God..." he wrote "For Good..." He did this on purpose, btw. Anyway, so by the time I got there, the kids were all shouting at him that he had spelled God wrong, and everything.

So then, this little boy--he's probably in about 5th grade--I'll call him Joey. Anyway, after they were all exasperated at trying to convince him that he was wrong, Joey shouted out, "Mr. Ellis, you need to go back to school!"

haha! I love kids. They're so funny!

Then, "Mr. Ellis" tried to put his hand over "Good" to see if they would just ignore it (which, of course, they didn't... silly little kids!). And he tried to get them to read the Bible verse again. After they tried to do what he asked a couple times, this other little girl (who I'll call Lena), probably in fourth or fifth grade, said SOOO drolly and hilariously: "Mr. Ellis, I don't think God is very happy with you right now..."

HA! The things that come out of kids' mouths. It cracks me up! haha.

I just figured you would enjoy that bit of childish adorableness from my life. haha.

Maybe this is why we need to become like children to enter the kingdom of God. Being a kid is so simple and easy. :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Amused) Dreamer

Easy

Sometimes I think we should take life lessons from kid songs.

I am pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but once a month, I play the piano for the Sabbath School (the equivalent of Sunday School, but on Saturday, haha) class for toddlers--well, newborn to just before they turn four years old. Those kids completely revolutionized me--I am pretty sure I know exactly why Jesus said when He said we need to be children to enter the kingdom of God.

But no wonder their joy is so great, and their love is so strong. I was just practicing a little bit ago some of the songs that I'll have to play for them in about three weeks, and the lyrics for one of the songs goes like this:

Jesus made me a special way, a special way, a special way.
Jesus made me a special way, because He loves me.

How great is that?! Why can't the lyrics of ALL songs be like that? Why do we make faith so hard, sometimes?

I think following Jesus was meant to be simple, and we just make it difficult.

I was looking at family pictures tonight, of when I was about ten years old. Around that time, my baby sister was about two, which is pretty much my favorite age ever. I guess I don't know that many kids when they're going through the terrible twos. haha. I was just struck by how awesome it was to be a kid, and how I wish my childhood would have been less awkward, but how beautiful being a child really is.

And then, that makes me want to live out my faith in a very real, tangible, sweet, honest, but especially SIMPLE way. We make faith so complicated, but it's really so simple.

And then I think of the children I hope to have one day, especially a little girl named Isabelle Jane, and I hope it's easy for her, too.

But not just Isabelle and me. I hope believing in Jesus and following the truth comes easily and joyfully to all of us.

And that's all I really have to say tonight. I hope you all have had a great week! :)

Till next time,
Ash the (Hopeful) Dreamer

my bucket list.

my mommy up and decided to make her bucket list today. i'm not quite sure why, but i find it interesting.

so i figured i would post my own bucket list.

seeing that i dream these crazy dreams, my bucket list is already inordinately LONG (haha), so i'll spare you the hour-long post by only posting some of my very favorites. :)

1. adopt two little girlies (from romania?).

2. become fluent in french.

3. publish a beautiful novel. (this is the very minimum... i desperately want to publish a million of my stories, not just one measly novel!)

4. be a missionary for at least a year in an orphanage (preferrably in europe).

5. visit prague.

6. find true love.

7. bake cookies for the wordfm (my favorite radio station) and visit with the staff.

8. pray with some of my favorite bands/artists (i'm so weird, i know!).

9. get involved in a youth group.

10. sponsor a little girlie from compassion international.

those are the big ones, right now, anyway. i'm sure there are a million other ones, that i'm crazy passionate about, but i can't think of them right now, and i don't want to put down stuff that don't matter immensely to me. :)

anyway, happy weekend, everyone! :)

till next time,
ash the (determined) dreamer

happily ever afters...

hello, dear friends.

have you ever dreamt about your wedding?

i have.

and i have never been on a date before.

how pathetic is that?!

but my friend amelie is getting married in march. amelie lives in france and has the most magical fairy-tale sort of life. she even works at disneyland. i'm not kidding. she's like a disney princess! lol. and i'm so happy that she and jacob are getting married. and that she's going to get her happily-ever-after.

but sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get mine.

what sort of a hope for a magical love story is there for a nearly 22-year-old girl who has never been on a date?

but i dream anyway.

about the bridesmaids dressed in the most beautiful pastel purple. about the violets twinkling around the church like Christmas lights. about my sisters standing next to me. about all my loved ones coming to see this magical moment. about laney and kylee going before me, throwing beautiful flower petals in front of where i will walk. about how gorgeous my future husband will be, how happy he will be. about what it will be like to look into his eyes when he takes my hands. and especially about what that magical kiss in front of dozens of people will be like.

right now, his name is noah edward.

is it okay if i give him a false, made-up name?

and then we will go to europe for a week or two, and after we get back, life will be perfect, and very soon afterward, we will become missionaries to europe and adopt beautiful children (that he of course lets me name very beautiful names). and maybe someday, when we come back to america, he will have a good job, and i'll be able to stay home with our children and write beautiful stories that will change the world.

sometimes i love being single. sometimes i love that independence and the chance to do anything for the world.

but sometimes i hate being single.

sometimes i want that kind of love.

but then i remind my self that Jesus knows all of this, and that one day, life will be perfect.

and you beautiful ladies, i hope you find your happily ever afters.

even if i never do.

till next time,
ash the (wistful) dreamer

Hello, Love. &hearts

Hello. :]

I feel like I'm in a very musical mood today. I always love music, but I've been practicing piano A LOT lately (well, the past 48 hours...), because I have been invited to be one of the pianists for the little kid division of my church's Sabbath School class. And tomorrow's my big premiere! :) I'm pretty excited, because the songs are so cute and fun, and I adore those little kids in that class! I know at least three little girls there, and two little boys, and I just can't wait to meet all the others. I LOVE toddlers so much. :]

Anyway, so since I'm in such a musical mood, I figured I would share my self-proclaimed "Song of 2010". :] It's by Britt Nicole, and it's called "The Lost Get Found. I love it so much, and the moment this year started, I knew it would be the theme of my life. :) So I hope you like it.



That's the main exciting thing happening to me.

It feels like my life is starting to come together--I feel like I know what I want to study in school; I'm trying to find a new job and leave the plagues of last year behind (depression and OCD); I know I REALLY want to be a missionary after I graduate... I just feel like I can see God's plan, and I am really excited about that.

Other than that... I've been kinda sick today. :*( I think I might have ate something bad... :*(

Haha, I think this is it this time... no deep thoughts. Just happy Ashley saying hello.

So hello.

Happy day, friend.

Till next time,
Ash the (Musical) Dreamer

My 10

Apparently, I'm a better blogger than I thought, because a week or two ago, I was awarded! Whoda thunk it? :]

Anyway, now I'm supposed to post 10 things about me and then award my own favorite blogs. :)

Anyways, so here we go! :)

1. Something I enjoy: the show Chuck. Seriously. It's so funny and sweet and loveable! :) I mean, who wouldn't love a story about a computer-geek turned CIA spy?! :))))



2. Something that changed my life: Pastor Sergio Manente. He is seriously THE coolest pastor/teacher in the whole world. He taught leadership classes in my high school, and from his ministry, I just gained so much confidence in myself, learned the path I wanted for my life, saw the path of Christianity as a passion, and learned how to be a leader for Jesus. He's seriously amazing, y'all. :)



3. Something I find funny: my brother Buddy. Seriously, I can't spend five minutes around him without laughing! He's so funny--and usually his jokes are at my expense, but after nearly 20 years of this, I'm learning to see past it. :)



4. Something I want: Can I say two things? Pretty please? Because it's like two dreams that are so infused into who I am that it just feels like one big ache for it to come true. :) Firstly, I want to be a missionary to Europe. Probably at an orphanage. :) Secondly, I would LOVE to have at LEAST two girls, maybe more, with at least two of them adopted, and the perfect hubby to match. :) I'm afraid it's too much to ask for, but gah, I want it so bad! :(



(Switzerland--the one country I want to see more than just about ANYWHERE in the whole wide world!)



(just an adorable little girl!)

5. Something I confess: everyday I have to deal with clinical depression and OCD. And those horrible diseases bring me down every single day. And they sicken me. I HATE depression and OCD. I would love nothing more than if they were MURDERED for FOREVER. They destroy my joy and keep me from the path Jesus destined for me, and I can't imagine anything uglier than depression and OCD. I won't post a picture, because it's just so ugly. :|

6. Something that rocks my socks: these two little girls in my church. Their names are Delaney and Kylee, and they melt my heart every day I see them. They melt and heal my heart every single weekend, and I LOVE children because I met them one September day in the year of 2008. :) Laney's almost 4, and I think Kylee's around three. :)



(This is Laney! Since I just got my new laptop this Thursday, I don't have a picture for Kylee to show you, but this is Laney!)

7. Something about me that might confuse you: I guess the biggest confusion to people is my dreams. I guess they just don't see that many dreamers like me, so they don't see how my life can be aimed toward things that are so impossible to achieve, but I'm okay with that. :) Some people don't understand why I want to be a missionary to Europe and take care of orphans when I could be a prestigious professor at an ivy league college with my brain. Some people don't understand why I want to open an orphanage and why I want to be a writer and a mom and a bookstore owner and a speaker and travel the world and bring hope and work for nothing so that I can bring just a wee bit of hope to the world. But then again, if you don't have big, change-the-world, Jesus dreams inside of you, then there's no way in the whole world that you'll understand me! :)

8. Something that makes me soooo happy: My sweet baby sister, Lea. She's so adorable, and she's graduating from 8th grade this year, and I'm just so proud of her, and I'm just so very glad I've had the treasure of this year to spend with just her and my parents this year, just to get to know her a little bit better (since I've been in boarding school most of her life). She's so sweet and smart and adorable, and she's gonna make the most kick-butt, awesome, heady, LOVELY combination of a lady of God that you won't have a CLUE what hit you when you meet this sweet little thing! :) Anyway, I just had to brag about her. :) Cuz she's AMAZING. :)



9. Something that I currently find amazing: that Jesus, in His vast greatness and mercy, chooses to use me and bless me and LOVE me in the middle of those moments that I feel completely UNLOVEABLE. Jesus takes my breath away EVERYDAY, but on those days when depression ruins and crushes my life and I feel like compressed, contorted, ugly, rejected, grotesque trash after Satan pushes me down so much that I can barely see hope shining, on those days when Jesus comes shining into my life and holds me in His arms and whispers promises of joy and hope and grace and dreams and I see a glimpse of what I can be for Him, THAT is what rocks my world. :)



10. Something I'm thankful for: for LIFE. Through the ups and downs, through the rights and wrongs, Jesus still gave me this opportunity, and I plan to make the very most of it! :)

:]

Thanks so much for stinkin' through the mess that is me right now. :) And thanks to those of you that actually do read my blog. :) I feel so incredibly honored that you do. :)

And to award my favorite blogs... um, well, I would honor Jen from here, but she was the one who awarded me, so I guess that doesn't work. :*(

I don't really follow that many other blogs--just another Jen--Jenny Simmons from Addison Road, but I doubt she'll ever see this. :) Anywho, even if she doesn't see it, you should check out her blog. :) Just go to www.jennysimmons.com. :)

Happy weekend, everybody!

(Oh, and soon I'll post pictures of my new computer! She's so lovely. *grin* I'm currently looking to name her, and all I've got is Evey or Sylvie as ideas, so if you have an ingenious one, leave me a message!)

Till next time,
Ash the (Grateful) Dreamer

hello.

hello, blog-dom.

it's been a long week. i'll spare you the details, but i feel wasted. probably because i never go to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep anymore. which stinks, because i'm not-so-nice to be around when i'm running on anything less than 8 hours of sleep. but i got 9 hours of sleep last night, so you would think that i'd be good to go. :/

tonight, for the first time in weeks, i don't feel like the world will come crashing down if God's church doesn't take it up a notch. i don't know if that's a good thing, but there it is.

i don't really get the hype of halloween. i mean, for the kiddy part, yeah, i totally get it. what girl doesn't want to dress up like a princess and go get some yummy candy? but the thing is, halloween is about so much more, and i don't understand in the slightest why people condone it.

i was talking to my grandmother today, and she was talking about how halloween was the time where all the repressed demonism, anti-God, pure, undefiled, complete EVIL comes out of hiding, and people disguise it by saying, "oh, it's a harmless time when kids can get candy!"

no it's not! you're sending your kids into the pure, unadulterated evil of one single night! gah, the idea of halloween just gives me the creaps. i don't even know how to battle it, and it's like america is unabashedly the friend of the devil for one night, and then it all goes back into hiding and everybody says it's all good and we're a Christian nation and nothing's wrong.

wrong-o!

i try to avoid halloween at ALL COSTS--well, if people came to my house for candy, i would do some progressive evangelism, and make little candy bags with little Bible verses on them or something--but even i've heard of some really creapy things that make me want to either run for the hills or run away from america. i dunno which! gah, it scares me so much.

i mean, open, unabashed devil worship? and that's all i can think of. it's like america doesn't realize the devil is real, and he's all ready to take over their hearts, and then they go out and celebrate halloween.

goodness, i wish that "holiday" would be banned.

now that all this creapy-ness woke me up again, man, i'm going to be praying for our country this weekend....

until next time (since i don't know what else to say...)
ash the (terrified) dreamer

:)

Today has been the best day of my life since I left to go to Union last semester. Just figured I would say that.

I ADORE these two little girls at my church (their names are Laney and Kylie...), and I got to hang out with them and play with them and help feed one of them (lol), and it was just SOOOOOOOOOOOO amazing. I love little kids, especially those two girls. :) I hope when I have little kids, they're as good as Laney and Kylie. :)

Okay. That's all. For now. I think. I got 2 books this week, and so far, the one I'm reading is MAGNIFICENT. :) I hope the rest of today is as good as lunch was!!! :)

Till later,
Ash the (Ecstatic) Dreamer :)