Sick

I don't want to talk long. Seeing that I have to be up in Hamburg (which is like, 30 minutes away from my house) at 9 o'clock in the morning tomorrow, and well, I've been REALLY low on sleep all week...

But it just hit me, a few moments ago, how much I hate this world.

Please go read this.

Sometimes I forget people still grieve long after their grief has been seen by the public's eye. Sometimes I forget how hard it is to lose someone you love. And that sickens me, that I can even forget.

And I heard about a natural disaster happening near Nashville today. I don't even know what it was, but that it happened, and that it threatens lives infuriates me.

I wonder how much righteous anger Jesus goes through each day, thinking about all the injustices faced by the children He loves. He considers every person here on this earth someone He loves. How much pain could that be? How hasn't God died of a broken heart all over again?

Just thinking about one baby boy, not even born yet, who might not live... thinking about Bowen Matthew Hammitt, even though I don't know him, or his family even, makes me want to cry. If Jesus loves one person infinitely more than I ever could, how in the world hasn't He died of a broken heart again?

And why in the world do we have so little compassion?

Till next time,
Ash the (Heartbroken) Dreamer

my bucket list.

my mommy up and decided to make her bucket list today. i'm not quite sure why, but i find it interesting.

so i figured i would post my own bucket list.

seeing that i dream these crazy dreams, my bucket list is already inordinately LONG (haha), so i'll spare you the hour-long post by only posting some of my very favorites. :)

1. adopt two little girlies (from romania?).

2. become fluent in french.

3. publish a beautiful novel. (this is the very minimum... i desperately want to publish a million of my stories, not just one measly novel!)

4. be a missionary for at least a year in an orphanage (preferrably in europe).

5. visit prague.

6. find true love.

7. bake cookies for the wordfm (my favorite radio station) and visit with the staff.

8. pray with some of my favorite bands/artists (i'm so weird, i know!).

9. get involved in a youth group.

10. sponsor a little girlie from compassion international.

those are the big ones, right now, anyway. i'm sure there are a million other ones, that i'm crazy passionate about, but i can't think of them right now, and i don't want to put down stuff that don't matter immensely to me. :)

anyway, happy weekend, everyone! :)

till next time,
ash the (determined) dreamer

happily ever afters...

hello, dear friends.

have you ever dreamt about your wedding?

i have.

and i have never been on a date before.

how pathetic is that?!

but my friend amelie is getting married in march. amelie lives in france and has the most magical fairy-tale sort of life. she even works at disneyland. i'm not kidding. she's like a disney princess! lol. and i'm so happy that she and jacob are getting married. and that she's going to get her happily-ever-after.

but sometimes i wonder if i'll ever get mine.

what sort of a hope for a magical love story is there for a nearly 22-year-old girl who has never been on a date?

but i dream anyway.

about the bridesmaids dressed in the most beautiful pastel purple. about the violets twinkling around the church like Christmas lights. about my sisters standing next to me. about all my loved ones coming to see this magical moment. about laney and kylee going before me, throwing beautiful flower petals in front of where i will walk. about how gorgeous my future husband will be, how happy he will be. about what it will be like to look into his eyes when he takes my hands. and especially about what that magical kiss in front of dozens of people will be like.

right now, his name is noah edward.

is it okay if i give him a false, made-up name?

and then we will go to europe for a week or two, and after we get back, life will be perfect, and very soon afterward, we will become missionaries to europe and adopt beautiful children (that he of course lets me name very beautiful names). and maybe someday, when we come back to america, he will have a good job, and i'll be able to stay home with our children and write beautiful stories that will change the world.

sometimes i love being single. sometimes i love that independence and the chance to do anything for the world.

but sometimes i hate being single.

sometimes i want that kind of love.

but then i remind my self that Jesus knows all of this, and that one day, life will be perfect.

and you beautiful ladies, i hope you find your happily ever afters.

even if i never do.

till next time,
ash the (wistful) dreamer