on this day...

today is my little sister's birthday. it seems so strange not to celebrate it. :*( every year, we bring out the watermelon and the ice cream cake and her favorite meals and we go shopping for her favorite things, and my mom worries if the clothes she bought won't be fashionable enough... and i just laugh at it all.

but this year, spunky, lively, happy, thoughtful, smart, beautiful, lovely rebecca eileen richards is not with me. :*( everyone says we all have to grow up at one point, and i know it's true. but in many ways, becca has been my best friend and my greatest ally throughout my whole life. and on this day that i most want to be with her... we are miles away, and she's lonely. :*( it's enough to make me cry.

true, the house is quieter this summer (she's working at a summer camp halfway across the state, being a lifeguard, helping in the kitchen, and teaching gymnastics), but i ache for her spunky livelihood. :*( she's my sister, but she's so much more than that.

so today, don't take advantage of those relationships you have. i never imagined that i would have to worry about losing becca. i figured we would always be with each other and have each other. i knew we had rough patches sometimes, but we always worked through them. i took advantage of becca. :*( i never stopped to think that there would be a day that she wouldn't be with me. and now i don't know how to adjust for the rest of my life, the rest of my life, where becca and i will hardly live under the same roof ever again. :*( don't underappreciate the relationships you have. they are precious. don't forget to hug your mom even when you think you hate her, or to listen to your dad, even when his advice makes you want to scream. indulge your grandmother. appreciate your friends. you never know if they'll be gone.

becca's not really gone... i mean, i was texting her all night, and she'll be back in a month or two... but any one of our loved ones could be gone forever, in an instant. so don't take them for granted. appreciate them. love them. please.

so you don't end up crying while you're blogging in the dark on a friday evening.

:)

So here's to you, becca. may we never forget. if you ever read this, just know that as your big sister, i am CRAZY about you, and if you ever drop off the face of this earth, i will hunt you down until i see your face again. cuz i love you. like crazy. :)

that's all i have to say tonight.
Happy Sabbath!!!!

till the next time,
ash the (nostalgic) dreamer

nothing is everything

i haven't been up to much lately, just learning about my little brother's passion, photography. yup, yup. i never really was that much into taking pictures, but over the past three days, i've done it a LOT. just figured i'd post some of them for you to see. :) not much exciting going on with me, just getting ready to go back to college.

the thing i wish i knew most how to communicate but i still have no clue how to say that everything can happen in a moment where nothing is going on. i hate it when people ask me, "what did you do this summer?" after they talk about working at summer camp or going to concerts or europe and stuff like that. what do i say? "umm... i worked at taco bell. all summer. real boring." except it WASN'T BORING... being with family isn't boring. overcoming depression isn't boring. falling in love with Jesus isn't boring. dreaming of life isn't boring. figuring out my life calling isn't boring. but man, how do you say that when taco bell is so much less exciting than going to romania and rebuilding a house? or watching 20 kids get baptized after seeing your witness at summer camp?

nothing is everything. that's what i say tonight. cuz dreams start out of nothing, and sometimes nothing is good.

-ash